Inside the Duggars' Torment as They Distance Themselves From Son

People reports that since the child-molestation scandal, Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar have avoided their son Josh, since being seen with him “rehashes the whole mess.” An expert tells Yahoo Parenting that’s a smart move because “everyone in the family may be struggling with all the changes they have experienced.” (Photo: Getty Images)

It’s been three months and counting, but the Duggar family is still reeling. It’s understandable, considering the fallout they’ve experienced since news broke that their eldest son, Josh, 27, molested five underage girls, including his sisters Jill, now 24, and Jessa, now 22, a dozen years ago. People magazine quoted a source close to the former 19 Kids and Counting reality stars, saying that patriarch Jim Bob and his wife, Michelle, have been actively avoiding Josh in the wake of the scandal.

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“Jim Bob and Michelle love their son, and they love when they can spend time with his family,” said People’s source about the married father of four, who was also implicated by hackers this week as a member of online cheaters’ site Ashley Madison – and then soon after admitted that he has been unfaithful to his wife, the mother of his four children. “But every time they’re photographed with him, a story gets made out of it that rehashes the whole mess — and it’s painful for everyone.”

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When TLC canceled their reality show in July after nine seasons, Jim Bob and Michelle released a statement noting that the abuse Josh inflicted at age 15 was behind them. “With God’s grace and help,” they wrote, “Josh, our daughters and our entire family overcame a terrible situation, found healing and a way forward.” People’s insider said that the couple “truly felt people would understand and eventually be okay” with what they’ve described as Josh’s “very bad mistakes.” So the fact that the public continues to vilify the family, even after the show was canceled, has them floored.

“They are still stunned that this is how it has all gone down,” said the source. “The better part of the last decade has been doing their show, and to have that removed — and instead for there to be this intense scrutiny of their every move – just isn’t something you get used to overnight.”

To intentionally separate from Josh is a serious move for his parents, whose entire focus has always been on family. But it may greatly benefit their brood, says psychoanalyst Amy Morin. In addition to preventing further backlash, the 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do author tells Yahoo Parenting, “distancing themselves from their son could be a way for the family to try and deal with the issue a little more privately.” After all, she explains, “not only are they dealing with their son’s inappropriate sexual behavior, they’re also dealing with the information being made public. Everyone in the family may be struggling with all the changes they have experienced. The victims, the other children, and the rest of the family may need to deal with those changes without constantly appearing in the headlines.”

All the scrutiny on the brood today dredges up the past, which Jim Bob and Michelle have admitted was “one of the most difficult times of our lives.”

According to the National Child Traumatic Stress Network’s report “Coping with the Shock of Intrafamilial Sexual Abuse,” facing the reality of such abuse can be painful. “The discovery that someone you love and trust has sexually abused your child is extremely stressful and can bring up intense feelings of shock, rage, confusion, denial, disbelief, and guilt,” it says. “Dealing with these reactions — and helping your child recover from the abuse — requires time, strength, and support.”

A family member’s sexual abuse “puts tremendous strain on relationships within the family,” the report continues. “Some family members may find it hard to believe the abuser could do such a thing … [and] may also struggle with how to manage their divided loyalties toward the abuser and the victim. Even in families that accept that the abuse occurred, reactions to the abuser may run the gamut from ‘lock him up and throw away the key’ to ‘hate the sin but love the sinner.’” Moving forward, the NCTSN advises, requires accepting that “much of what you believed about this person was not true.”

The Duggar family, meanwhile, has to reframe their entire public life, now that the world perceives the family values that they espoused on their show to also not be true. “They are still trying to absorb the fact that their life has so radically changed,” People’s source reports.

Yet whenever Jim Bob and Michelle decide that they are ready to re-embrace Josh in public, Morin cautions that the scrutiny they’ll face isn’t likely to be any less. “No matter how long it has been, they may still receive a lot of media attention,” she tells Yahoo Parenting, “and the family would need to be prepared to make the headlines again.”

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