How 'Black Fathers' Facebook Group of 9K Is ‘Shattering Stereotypes’
The Black Fathers Facebook group gathers for events, like this daddy-daughter tea date, workshops, and networking, to “change the narrative of what it means to be a black father in America,” founder Matt Prestbury (left) tells Yahoo Parenting. (Photo: Black Fathers/Facebook)
When Matt Prestbury gained custody of his then 2- and 3-year-old sons, after divorcing his first wife 12 years ago, the single dad knew he needed support. “I’m very much an introvert,” the Baltimore father, 39, tells Yahoo Parenting. “But I knew that I wanted to build a brotherhood in a sense — and I didn’t see anything else like that out there.”
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So in 2008, Prestbury, a kindergarten teacher, took matters into his own hands and founded the Black Fathers Facebook group for dads. “I wanted to create a virtual space where fathers could come together and be a resource for each other — and help break lot of stereotypes to change the narrative of what it means to be a black father in America,” says the now remarried father, who has four children today: sons Breon, 16, Bryce, 14, Braylon, 10, and daughter Laila, 8, with his second wife, Kelly. “There used to be the perception that fathers, and in particular black fathers, all abandon their children. But I wanted to have stories represented like mine, where the fathers are actively involved in their kids’ lives.”
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Prestbury and his family. (Photo: Black Fathers)
Fatherhood, he says, “wasn’t really a big social issue at the time. Sure, you could have kids and take care of them,” Prestbury adds, “but sitting home and kickin’ it with homies, we didn’t talk about fatherhood and being dads. And I wanted to give dads a sense of validation.”
At first the group was about gathering for casual playground meet-ups, but it quickly grew in scope and size. Now with a whopping 9,000 members from across the country, Black Fathers has become the network, and the agent of change, that Prestbury always hoped that it would be. The group offers workshops, an active discussion board, and resources for men seeking advice and legal counsel regarding custody and other family issues. There are also events — including the group’s recent “hip-hop and spoken word celebration,” with musicians who are fathers or who rap about fatherhood, and “Daddy & a Movie,” a free outdoor film series.
Creating a group for single dads has been challenging at times, though, admits Prestbury. “Everything you see and read about parenting seems to be directed towards moms,” he says, noting that typical family-targeted advertising ignores fathers completely with slogans such as Kix cereal’s “Kid tested, mother approved,” and “Silly enough for kids, serious enough for moms” in Tom’s of Maine’s children’s toothpaste ads. “What about us?” he asks. “I keep saying, ‘We’re here, too.’ It’s unfair to negate the role that fathers play. We have lots of stay-at-home dads and working fathers who play a very active role in their kids’ lives.”
(Photo: Black Fathers)
For those involved men, the Black Fathers group has been a godsend, he says. “Not long ago a member posted that he was going to court for a custody issue with the mother of his son,” Prestbury shares. “He put that out there, and we wished him well, and people gave him legal advice. Then the next day he posted that he’d received full custody of his son. Just to hear that was very exciting because he didn’t know most of us from a can of paint. Yet we were able to wish him luck and share advice, and for him come back and tell us about it meant a lot. It showed me that the group is really touching people’s lives and making a difference.”
It’s made an impact on him, too. “It’s given me so much,” he says. “It’s such a great feeling to know that I have created something that has helped people connect to one another. It warms my heart.”
Recalling a friend who told him, “I want to make fatherhood the coolest thing in the world so that everybody wants to be a dad,” Prestbury says he’s upping the ante with this group. His ultimate goal, he says, “is to make it so that you feel like if you’re not involved in your children’s lives, you’re a fool.”
(Photo: Black Fathers)
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