Alyssa Milano On Breastfeeding, Mom Shame, and Life with Two Kids

Parents are constantly shamed for their choices. From how we feed our children to how we educate them, everyone has an opinion on how to raise kids. The result? Moms and dads feel endlessly judged for the choices they make — even if they have no other options. This week, families around the country are sharing their inspiring, funny, honest, and heartbreaking stories with Yahoo Parenting in an effort to spark conversations, a little compassion, and change in the way we think about parenting forever. Share your story with us — #NoShameParenting.

Most former tween girls could relate to actress Alyssa Milano as Samantha Micelli, her sweet, spunky character on the old-school sitcom Who’s The Boss? Now a mother of two, Milano, 42, who later swept up roles on television shows Charmed and Mistresses, has become a champion for moms after receiving criticism for sharing her personal breastfeeding photos online and having her breast milk confiscated at an airport.

STORY: Alyssa Milano on Having Kids at 38, Baby Weight, and the Fight to Breastfeed

Milano’s latest gig — as “Mom-Bassador,” or personality of the Sprout network’s Sept. 26 brand refresh — is a passion project, and a tribute to her kids, Milo, 4, and Elizabella, 1. In an exclusive interview with Yahoo Parenting, Milano talks breastfeeding backlash, “mom bashing,” and how she and David Bugliari, her husband of six years, parent as a team.

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You’ve posted a few breastfeeding photos online, as have other moms, and gotten some pushback for it. Why do people have a problem seeing women nursing?

This problem isn’t going away. There needs to be more facilities for breastfeeding women. But if there’s not, I’m going to sit on a bench and nurse.

Have there been other times where you’ve felt shamed as a mom?
Milo used a pacifier until he was 3 and people would say, “How old is he? How cute…” It’s mom bashing and dads don’t get it as much. Because parenting is so personal, people sometimes can’t really see outside their own perspective.

Would ending the post-baby bikini body trend help?

I never felt pressure to get back to a certain clothing size — I think a lot of that pressure comes from within. It helps to be a mom and put that focus outside yourself.

Is Milo in awe of your new gig?

I was on [Sprout’s] “The Sunny Side Up” show last week and gave him a shout-out. Milo watches the episode once a day. He says it’s so cool but he also thinks everyone’s mom is on TV. When people ask me, “Are you Alyssa Milano?” he says, “Are you her?”

What’s your parenting philosophy when it comes to kids and screen time?

I waited until both my kids were 6 months old before I put them in front of a TV — in small doses — and after talking to my pediatrician. Milo has a good attention span now, so Sprout is great for him. All their programming has an important message that starts a family conversation.

How does a second baby change a marriage?

The far bigger shift is going from no baby to one baby! David and I have enjoyed being parents because we understand that [this time] goes by so quickly. And we know that with the second baby, we’re not going to break her. We go into each day saying “It’s us against the kids — go team!” because the kids are on their own team. We laugh at everything together.

What are some rookie mistakes you made with baby No. 1?

I was much more rigid with Milo that I am now with Bella. Schedules are a good thing, but life doesn’t stop with your first child when you have a second. So when Milo was 3 and I was running him around to baseball practice, Bella had to nap in the car. [As a result], she’s laid-back and adaptable. Three years is the perfect amount of space between the first and second baby because the older one is more emotionally ready to handle a sibling. I told Milo that we were having Bella by saying, “Mama is growing a baby in her belly. It’s for you.” Then I took him to my doctor’s appointments and hung sonograms in his room. When he came to the hospital hours after Bella was born, I placed her in a bassinet because I wanted him to meet her [independently] instead of in my arms. I tried to be respectful of his feelings. He’s so in love with his sister and calls her “Bella Baby.”

Where do you get your parenting advice? Do you belong to any online mom groups?

I don’t belong to mom groups but they’re like modern-day villages. When I was growing up, my grandparents lived with us and they each had different philosophies. It was good to be exposed to that. What parents instill in their kids will always take priority, but they need to learn how different people live.

(Photos: Instagram/milano_alyssa)

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