5 Things Parents Should Know About Raising Girls
Tara Berson and her daughter. Photo: Tara Berson.
As I bicker with my 5 1/2-year-old daughter over why it isn’t such a great idea to pair her leopard print faux vest with pink socks and black-and-white polka dot leggings, I feel like I’m getting a glimpse into the future. My gut clenches at the prospect of eye rolls and exasperated sighs that’ll be directed my way, and I imagine my own mom whispering in my ear, “Payback is a you-know-what!”
Girls will be dramatic, but try to see it as a positive, Michele Borba, Ed.D, author of The Big Book of Parenting Solutions, tells Yahoo Parenting. “As they grow, girls will have mood swings and self-doubt, but they’re learning to find themselves and their voice.” So what else do you need to know about raising a woman-in-training? Here’s what may be in store and how to get through it.
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She’ll act older than her years: Little girls tend to act like teenagers even when they’re preschoolers. Not only do their emotions swing wildly, they like to mimic the way celebrities act and dress. And while it’s natural to laugh along if your baby girl starts twerking or strikes a grownup pose, doing so can serve as encouragement, Susan Newman, Ph.D. author of The Case for the Only Child: Your Essential Guide. Consider where she’s learning such behavior — she may be clued into the magazines and television shows you consume. “Mothers are extremely influential, and their attitudes and actions are readily absorbed by their daughters,” she says.
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She’ll have opinions — and lots of them: Girls tend to verbally express themselves at a younger age than boys so it should come as no surprise that they’re more vocal about their feelings. For example, if your daughter is insisting on wearing her bathrobe to the playground, listen to her reasoning. “Assertive confidence comes with practice, so give your child a chance to share her views,” says Borba. As toddlers, teach them to look at someone when they talk (Say, “Look at color of the talker’s eyes,” which builds confident body language) and give them opportunities to talk without interrupting or speaking for them. And when they’re older, discuss current events while you’re gathered around the dinner table. “Let your daughter learn that there will always be people who disagree with her opinion, and teach her how to disagree respectfully with others.”
Expect friendship drama: You’ll undoubtedly be her shoulder to cry on when your daughter is navigating bumpy friendships. There’s often a lot of backstabbing, gossiping, bullying, and exclusion amongst many female relationships, and that behavior can start as young as Kindergarten. If your daughter thinks she’s Queen Bee, or goes up against one, teach her healthy ways to get along. “Conflict resolution, problem solving strategies and social skills are all immensely important in a girl’s life,” says Borba. Weave those teachable moments into your daily life by setting a good example. Stress caring and repeatedly emphasize that you should only say things that build people up, not tear them down.
She’ll turn on you (at least for a little while): As they approach their tween years, girls increasingly crave their independence. It’s normal for preteen and teenage girls to pull away from their parents in an effort to separate and define themselves. “They need to figure out who they are apart from their mothers and fathers,” says Newman. Don’t take her behavior personally and keep communication as open as possible.
She may succumb to peer pressure: As your daughter approaches her teen years, she’ll may act as though she doesn’t want you to ask her questions about her social life but this is just the time to do it. “Peers can be quite persuasive at this stage in a teen’s life,” says Newman. It’s also important to watch for other changes in your daughter’s eating, sleeping and academic habits because studies show a rise in eating disorders, depression, and perfectionism during this time. When you see your daughter struggling, remind her of her strong suits. “She may roll her eyes, but she’ll hear you and store what you say in the recesses of her brain to call up when she needs it,” says Newman.
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