White Pumpkin Remembrance Weekend to help those dealing with infant loss
Oct. 4—BORDEN — Last year a white pumpkin popped up in the yard of the Borden farmhouse that best friends Crystal Lewis-Tuttle and Kayla Troutman share with their families.
They consider each other sisters and have known each other for 15 years after they were assigned as roommates at the University of Southern Indiana in Evansville.
They'd decorated the wraparound porch at the home with white pumpkins a year before in recognition of pregnancy and infant loss, so when the pumpkins grew they took it as a sign. Lewis-Tuttle and her husband have experienced the trauma of miscarriage and tubal pregnancy.
"I think I had almost 20 pumpkins before it was over with and so she was getting ready to move in with me and said it would be really cool if I paint those pumpkins," Troutman said. "What if I paint those pumpkins, have you start talking about your story and spreading awareness."
That's when the idea for the White Pumpkin Remembrance Weekend was born. It will be Oct. 14 and 15, both online and with an event at the Borden Community Park on E. Main Street in Borden.
"The White Pumpkin Poem uses the white pumpkin to symbolize the angel babies," Troutman said. "So I fell in love with that idea and found out people were collecting white pumpkins to put on porches to remember her children."
Parents who have experienced pregnancy and infant loss are invited to attend the White Pumpkin Remembrance Walk, where they'll be able to commemorate their children, receive support from the community and hear Lewis-Tuttle's story about pregnancy loss.
Family and friends are also invited to the event, which starts at 6:30 p.m.
Then on Oct. 15 families are invited to light at candle at 7 p.m. as part of the White Pumpkin Candle Vigil, a virtual event. It will be conducted on Facebook Live and lead by Troutman and Lewis-Tuttle.
Lewis-Tuttle and her husband are high school sweethearts who got married in 2011 and experienced a miscarriage in 2015.
"With the first miscarriage it felt very isolating and even though we all know about miscarriage, what I went through I had no idea it was normal," she said. "When I tried to talk about it, it was so much of 'It'll be OK,' no closure."
They experienced a tubal pregnancy in 2018 and again in 2020, with twins.
"With each one I started to do more research and I noticed other women around me felt the same thing, they felt isolated, they weren't sure how they should remember their children," Lewis-Tuttle said. "And how they should which led to so many conversations between me and (Kayla), why does it feel this way?"
Lewis-Tuttle is a life coach who majored in psychology and human sexuality and is using her education to help others going through what she and her husband experienced.
She said there's things she and Troutman have done to help them grieve and process the losses. Now, they want to share that knowledge with others during the events.
"Letting parents know it's OK to get that outfit you saw when you were pregnant, it's OK to get a Christmas ornament that has (the child's) name, it's OK to process your grief that way and it's OK for the community to allow you to do that."
She said there's resources and help available for fathers, too.
"My husband loves to cook, he is an awesome chef," Lewis-Tuttle said. "So when our children's due dates come, I'm like what would you have loved to cook for them? And we'll do that."
At the White Pumpkin Remembrance Walk Troutman's art will be featured, along with white pumpkin book art by her sister Shelby Nunley. Jewelry-maker Erika Richardson will also sell white pumpkin necklaces.
Families are asked to register for the event online. Go to bit.ly/wpinfopg.
Troutman said those who do can add baby names to be read aloud at the walk and will receive a free gift. People who cannot attend the walk can add baby names to be read at the candlelight vigil.
The candlelight vigil will be hosted by Kayla Troutman Art Studio and Adorn, which is Lewis-Tuttle's life coaching business. People can search for the Kayla Troutman Studio group on Facebook or go to the event page White Pumpkin Candle Vigil. It is being sponsored by My Cup Runneth Over Coffee and Charcuterie Cafe, along with Certainty Home Inspections.
Troutman said she hasn't experienced pregnancy loss, but it's important to support her best friend.
Lewis-Tuttle said there's many ways friends can help.
"Sometimes it's the simple act of when was the due date, do you mind if we bake a cake, do you mind if we make blankets, do you mind if every time the due date, or the date you lost them comes up, we get together," she said.
Lewis-Tuttle and her husband are currently raising a son.
"We have been blessed," she said. "We ended up adopting a beautiful little boy."
