It was a tense week of Housewives-watching, my fellow Bravoholics. First, we caught up with The Real Housewives of Atlanta, still in New Orleans, and still picking the same old fights as they were a month ago — this time with Big Freedia on hand to watch the madness. Next, we followed The Real Housewives of Dallas on their road trip of Oklahoma, where they made questionable wine and "Dr. Pepper donuts," the latter of which actually looked delicious. Finally, we finished the week with The Real Housewives of New Jersey, where Melissa and Joe had an awful argument before everyone put aside their differences to say goodbye to the one and only Nonno. Here are the best, worst, and wildest moments from this week in 'wives!
HIGH POINT: Remembering Nonno, RHONJ
Over the course of over a decade on Bravo, Teresa Giudice has had a spectacular arc (ranking her, as Andy Cohen said to EW, among the greatest reality stars of all time). She has been vulnerable; she has been villainous. But her family has been the true heart of her journey, giving depth and real-life stakes (and yes, drama too) to the Housewives' tale of Teresa. So it was deeply affecting to see her, Joe, Melissa, all their children, and all their friends who know their family so well join together to say goodbye to Teresa's sweet, strong, funny father Giacinto Gorga. All wearing white and clutching paper cones made from sheet music filled with white rose petals, they honored Nonno with a tearful ceremony at Joe and Melissa's shore house. Afterwards, as the multiple gifted oil paintings of Teresa and Joe's parents looked on, everyone toasted affectionately "to the legend." Cheers to him.
LOW POINT: Oklahomies, RHOD
Stephanie's Oklahoma trip has been cursed since before it began, when Brandi picked an absurd fight with D'Andra and, somehow, most of the ladies ended up taking her side. Things only got worse as they hit the road, but D'Andra's terrifying driving was hardly even the beginning. I am struggling to imagine a crueler vacation scenario than arriving at a cabin after a harrowing drive and immediately being forced to change out of my grimy road-trip clothes and into camouflage so as to sneak around the woods in the middle of the night and hunt a mythical predator. My own extreme distaste for the activity almost made me empathize with Kary, tactlessly picking a fight with Charles the Sasquatch-hunter, until she crudely expressed that he must be compensating for something. Take me back to Dallas! Please!
WILDEST MOMENT: Booty-poppin' potatoes, RHOA
Honestly, this disastrous dinner party probably would have qualified for the worst moment of the week were it not for the mere presence of Big Freedia. It was of course mortifying for all involved — including those of us at home, just by watching — when Marlo needlessly resurrected this weird old argument about who slept with Bolo in South Carolina. I personally would be willing to conference-call her and Kenya and claim responsibility myself just so they can pin it on someone and RHOA can move on, because they clearly mistakenly believe they are entitled to a confession. Anyway, Big Freedia bearing witness made the whole scene all the more embarrassing for the ladies, but also added that classic dash of Housewives chaos. Of course they made booty-poppin' potatoes with a celebrity wearing a "Kitchen Diva" chef's hat before launching into this huge tangled argument about a stripper at the dinner table, all while a destructive tropical storm made its way to them. Eventually, Big Freedia offered crucial advice: "I just don't like confrontation. I would walk away from it and not be in the middle of the mix." If only Marlo listened!
👑 QUEEN OF THE WEEK 👑 Teresa, RHONJ
WHEN THE APOCALYPSE COMES: I want RHOD survivalist queen D'Andra on my team.
MOST WELCOME THROWBACK: Georgia goes blue (and takes the White House with it!), RHOA. Or as Porsha summarized: "Georgia pulled up and popped off!"
WHATEVER TURNS YOU ON, I GUESS: I'd rather not engage with Joe Gorga's unfortunate lifelong devotion to the patriarchy, so let's talk instead about how, after playing a retaliatory prank on his wife, he absolutely lit up in his RHONJ confessional and said, with enormous relief and more than a hint of desire, "she's jealous!"
HEADWEAR ICON: Tiffany, going fishing in umbrella-hats of increasing diameter, RHOD