Vaccine breakups: Is it fair to cut someone out of your life for not getting the shot?
In a recent interview, Jennifer Aniston shared her decision to distance herself from people who choose not to get the COVID-19 vaccine or disclose their vaccination status. She not only became a trending topic, but she also modeled a powerful example of setting boundaries.
Not everyone will like or understand the boundaries we set, but how they are received doesn’t determine whether the boundaries are right. If you were one of the many who were impressed with Jennifer’s boundary-setting, I’m here to tell you that you can do the same.
Different beliefs about the vaccine have caused a lot of tension among families, friends and colleagues. Some people have decided to overlook these differences of opinion, but others struggle to interact with individuals who they think are acting recklessly. Divergent opinions about the vaccine may also trigger conversations about ethics, morals, professionalism, duties and freedoms – unexplored topics for many.
More: Jennifer Aniston distanced herself from people over COVID-19 vaccine: 'It was unfortunate'
So, what should we do if we don’t agree with someone’s choice to not get vaccinated?
Have a conversation. Regardless of the decisions you make about the relationship, it’s important to have a conversation about it. If someone you care about is choosing not to get vaccinated, it’s worth hearing them out. It’s not about convincing them. It’s about understanding where they are coming from. If the intention is to preserve the relationship (or even decide what to do about the relationship), a conversation is key.
Set a boundary. After we gain understanding, it’s our turn to set boundaries that work for us. Boundaries allow us to offer our friends or family a map to navigate maintaining a relationship with us – a relationship that will respect our needs, expectations and concerns.
COVID-19-related boundaries can range from asking a friend to wear a mask and socially distance from us, to taking a break from having them in our lives temporarily, to ending the relationship altogether. And, if you don’t want to start a never-ending argument about whether you were “on a break," make sure you communicate your boundary clearly.
A COVID-19 boundary can sound like:
“I understand your reluctance to get vaccinated, but I don’t feel comfortable seeing you in person unless you’re vaccinated.”
“Until you get your second dose, let’s limit our meetings to Zoom.”
“I am struggling to understand your resistance to getting vaccinated. I believe your action are putting many people in danger. I need some time to process your decision and what it means for our relationship.”
“The way you speak to me about vaccines is incredibly insulting. I will no longer have these conversations with you.”
Of course, setting boundaries is often easier said than done. If you are dreading the conversation or don’t know where to start, here are five tips for setting difficult boundaries:
Be honest. The COVID-19 vaccine is an important and triggering topic for many, and it’s important to be transparent. They need to know what boundary you are setting (and, if you want to share, why).
Be clear. Boundaries need to be crystal clear. If they are not, we leave space for them to be violated and for us to feel resentful.
Be respectful. We can disagree and still refrain from using degrading language or increasing our volume. That language can make others defensive and less receptive to what we have to say.
Choose the right time to talk. The best time to delve into such a delicate topic may not be when you are intoxicated, at a gathering or tired.
Stay on topic. Try not to slip into other, equally difficult topics. These digressions can transform the discussion into a contest over who has been most understanding – or virtuous – in the past.
If you are reluctant to cut someone out, take a break or set a boundary, try to remember that you don’t need anyone else’s permission to keep yourself safe.
More: COVID-19 vaccine by state: Across America, the pace of new vaccinations has increased
Sara Kuburic is a therapist who specializes in identity, relationships and moral trauma. Every week she shares her advice with our readers. Find her on Instagram @millennial.therapist. She can be reached at SKuburic@gannett.com.
This article originally appeared on USA TODAY: Vaccine for COVID causes fights, disagreements. Should you break up?
