TUPATALK: Turn 'it might have been' into a stepping stone for future

I’m certain some prep athletes who are letting regrets about disappointment on how their seasons ended affecting the outlook of their experiences.

Time will take care of some of that, as the sting fades and happy memories takes it place.

I want to offer some perspective that might be helpful.

There’s a wonderful poem, written by John Greenleaf Whittier, entitled, simply, “Maud Muller.”

It starts out with a young judge, out on a horse ride in the country, who stops by a water well. He encounters a beautiful peasant maiden who is there gathering some water.

She kindly offers to give water to him and his horse. While she is doing this, the judge daydreams about what a wonderful wife this gentle and happy young woman would make; she daydreams about how nice it would be to be his wife, and how she would use her wealth to feed the poor and weary travelers that stop at their door.

Soon, her task is done and they separate, neither talking about the feelings of their heart.

Shortly after, the judge marries a vain and selfish woman of position and endures a loveless life. The maiden marries a rough, uneducated peasant farmer. Within a few years, she has many children to care for in their crude cottage and experiences a life of unappreciated weariness.

Now and then, during quiet moments, the judge and maiden think back to that day at the well and how true love and happiness had been within their reach but they squandered the moment.

In the last part of the poem, Whittier writes:

I hope athletes won’t dwell on what might have been.

No amount of regret or pain can change the outcome.

The only thing that can be changed is the future.

You are still on the threshold of real life.

There are still opportunities and challenges yet to be conquered, ways to turn the bitter lessons of yesterday into triumphs tomorrow.

Instead of reflecting on the painful, why not think about the happy times in your sport — the bus rides with coaches and teammates, the funny things that happened in practice and competition, those transcending moments when you achieved something special, the pride you felt about developing your skills and the scenery of the journey.

Whittier ends his poem on a note of hope.

You’ll have another chance — maybe not in sports — on another day to prove yourself.

I still recall with regret when I failed to make my high school football team. I felt I had quit on myself. I wondered if I had the right stuff to endure or if I would fold up when things got really tough.

But, fate gave me second chances to prove myself.

I gutted it out through Marine Corps boot camp. I spent two years as a low-paid security guard — while in my early 30’s — wondering if I would ever get a newspaper job or if I might spend my life dreaming of what might have been.

But, I kept writing my short stories and poems, I wrote for a running magazine in Salt Lake City that didn’t pay in cash (but $5 restaurant coupons), I kept sending out my resumes. I endured without quitting and one day destiny blessed me.

I know you’ll always have regrets about some mistake or shortcoming — such as I still do about not earned a spot on the football team — but don’t let it eat you up.

Look at it as a stepping stone of character that opened a new awareness and prepared you for even more important challenges to come.

Cherish both the disappointments and happy times. Both will shape you into being the best you can be.

This article originally appeared on Bartlesville Examiner-Enterprise: TUPATALK: Focus on getting past mistakes