The Ties that Bind: Coaching high school sports in northern Michigan is a family matter for many

Jan. 23—MAPLE CITY — Summers on the basketball court at the Bradford house would make great inspiration for a Norman Rockwell painting.

The moment is simple yet says so much.

Jason Bradford posts up under the hoop as his two daughters, Grace and Maddie, practice shooting. Again and again, the two Glen Lake varsity girls basketball players send the ball toward the net.

When they connect, Jason — the head coach of the Lakers — is there with praise. When they miss, he's there with encouragement and support, getting them the ball back and telling them to try again.

A better sports metaphor for parenting might not exist.

"It took me a while to realize how lucky we are to have our dad as our coach," Grace said. "Not many people get to experience that."

Bradford, the father of five — two girls and three boys — has been at the helm of the Glen Lake girls basketball program for 15 years. Now, with Grace a senior and Maddie a junior, the trio of Bradfords has the opportunity to do something special as the currently undefeated Lakers eye a long postseason run with aspirations of reaching the Breslin Center and the state finals.

"Ever since they were young and in the gym, the goal was to be here with the two girls coming up," Jason said, reflecting back on what it has been like to watch his daughters grow up as sisters and teammates and friends.

"You go back through and think about all of the special things we've accomplished together and the memories we've made," he continued. "To experience that — what we've done together — that's something special."

Jason can't help but recall Grace "crying her eyes out" at the end of last season when Calumet cut the Lakers' run just one game short of the Breslin.

"Hopefully, it's cheering and tears of happiness when we end this season," he said.

Win or lose, tears of joy or tears of sadness, the end of the season will mark the final time Jason coaches Grace in an official capacity.

"He's hard on us, but he knows our potential and pushes us every day because of our potential," Grace said. "He's honest with us. I take that in a good way. He knows what we need to improve on, and we take that and work on it."

He'll have one more year with Maddie, and Jason said that "extra time" he gets to spend with them as a coach is "always rewarding."

"It's something you're always going to be able to share," Jason said. "When you're at the dinner table or around the holidays and they're talking about their sports memories and accomplishments, you're able to relive those memories too because you were there with them. You were together."

Maddie feels that way, too.

"He understands me more," Maddie said simply. "He pushes us to be our best selves and reach our potential — even outside of the season."

Forest of Family Trees

Jason is far from the only coach in the region who gets that extra time with his children.

Just in basketball alone this season, there is a plethora of family connections on the court. Kevin and Spencer Ball at Elk Rapids, Matt and Caleb Stuck at Charlevoix, Paul and Drake Koepke at Bellaire, Jared and Tyler Milarch at Buckley, Amy and Katelynn Dix at Grand Traverse Academy, Tim and Lucy Reznich at Frankfort, Randy and Alex Calcaterra at Boyne City, and Nathan and Caden Bradford at Onekama to name a few — but not all.

Matt Barnowski and his son, Dylan, also make that list.

A worn and wrinkled, torn and scotch-taped photo of the Lake Leelanau St. Mary pair from Dylan's first basketball game in the third grade remains in Dylan's bedroom to this day.

"He was my coach from day one," Dylan said. "That picture is a special thing to keep. He's been there since the beginning."

"We both still look at that picture," Matt said. "For the both of us, it's our favorite picture of each other of the hundreds of pictures of us that have come since."

Matt admitted he is probably tougher on his son than the other St. Mary players, but that is because their dynamic and the relationship is different. When practice is over, it's just the two of them.

Being a coach and a parent is a balancing act, and Matt has been walking that tightrope for nearly a decade.

"There are things we talk about as just a father and a son and not as a coach and a player. I've been coaching him since he was in third grade in almost every sport, so it is sometimes hard to step away from that coaching role," Matt said. "With coaching, there are a lot of life lessons that are available that can be taught to all these kids. Being able to do it as a dad and as a coach only solidifies that."

Any issues at home, which both Dylan and Matt said are few and far between, never bleed over into the gym.

"Basketball is a separate life for us," Dylan said.

Their lives inside and outside of basketball are built on a solid foundation of friendship, trust and respect.

"That's my boy, man," Matt said. "I've told him stuff I haven't told anyone else — and vice versa. We have a unique relationship. There's stuff we tell each other that doesn't get told to anyone else, and I'll always treasure that part of our relationship."

Playing for his dad is something Dylan does not take for granted.

"I get to bond with him," he said. "We get to go home and talk basketball. I love it. He's going to push me harder because he knows who I am and that we can go home later and talk about everything."

Success on the court is just a bonus.

Matt said winning a district championship is something the two have talked about for years. They accomplished that last season.

"To be able to give him that medal and then hand him the trophy and give him that hug, I will never forget that — ever," Matt said. "It still gives me goosebumps just talking about it."

Dylan nearly hoisted a football state championship trophy in November when the junior quarterback helped lead Suttons Bay to the finals in Marquette. The Norsemen fell just shy of the ultimate prize, but Matt was there to comfort his son through the loss.

That Suttons Bay team featured another father-son/coach-player duo — Garrick and Brayden Opie.

"Dylan has the utmost respect for Garrick. He told me one time that he's his favorite coach ever, which I kind of took to heart and went, 'Wait a minute, kid,'" Matt joked.

"Other than my dad, obviously," Dylan said with a chuckle when asked if Garrick was indeed his favorite coach. "He is almost like another father figure as a coach."

Football and fatherhood

Garrick is not shy about how much he loves his three sons — Brayden, his eldest Bryce and his youngest Grayson. And there has been a time or two when he's let everyone in the football stadium know.

Brayden made a mistake during the eight-player football Division 1 regional championship game against Inland Lakes, a game the Norsemen won 53-18. Brayden's misstep drew his coach's ire and then his father's love.

"He did something ... wrong," Garrick said, laughing. "And I was like, 'Brayden, if you do that again, I'm going to come out there and tackle you myself!' And I yelled it loud enough so the whole crowd could hear it, and then I was like, 'AND I LOVE YOU!'"

Garrick called that a "push-pull moment" that forced him to balance his frustration as a coach with his care and admiration for his son.

"There were definitely a few chuckles," he said. "You try to draw that line and monitor yourself and decide when I need to be a dad and when I need to be a coach. You need to look yourself in the mirror a lot and say, 'I can't blend those lines too much.'"

Differentiating between the father-son relationship and the coach-player relationship isn't just difficult for the dad, it's tough on the son too, Garrick said.

"There have been times where I've said this is going to be the play and Bryce has come back and said he doesn't think it's the right play," he said. "I'd have to pull that card and say, 'Hey, I'm your coach, right now, and you need to go run this play because this is what I believe is the right call.'"

Garrick said those moments are challenging but provide "great life lessons" and "great father-son lessons."

"I wouldn't change it for the world," he said. "I'm extremely lucky. I'm in the best role that any father could ever want. To have kids is one thing, but to coach a sport you're passionate about and grew up playing yourself and then have your kids become passionate about it, it's almost indescribable. It's incredible."

But ensuring that passion isn't forced or expected is key, Garrick said.

"It's not about me, it's about him and his desire and his heart," he said. "I cannot live vicariously through my sons, and too many parents make that mistake of trying to live their high school dream through their son or daughter."

For Garrick, success means nurturing his sons' hopes and dreams. Being aware of what he says to them as a father and what he says to them as a coach is what makes or breaks that.

"Are you being a coach in that moment or are you being a parent? If you can't shut that off or put a wall between the two, you cannot do that to your kids," he said. "Now, nobody's perfect. I've blurred the line sometimes."

Brotherly Love

That line isn't always between parent and child. For Jarod and Brayden Steenwyk, the line in their coach-player relationship is that of the sibling variety.

The 30-year-old Jarod is the varsity boys basketball head coach at Ellsworth, which means he gets what every older brother dreams of — the blessed authority to boss around one's younger brother.

Of course, Jarod doesn't abuse his position of power.

"There's a lot of good times, and then there's some bad when he's got to be reminded that, 'Hey, I'm your coach and not just your brother,'" Jarod said. "Sometimes it's so much easier to just yell at your brother than a kid you're coaching, but we have a lot of conversations outside of practice and try to work it out from both sides."

The bond between the two is strengthened by a love for each other and basketball, but Jarod said they have been a part of each other's lives in so many more ways that have nothing to do with the sport.

"I've been able to watch him grow up, and that's been amazing," Jarod said. "He's a great kid, and we have a great relationship."

Brayden idolized Jarod on the court, and Jarod said he remembers Brayden being at all of his basketball games.

"I was lucky enough my senior year (2009) that we won districts, and I got a picture with him. He's got his Ellsworth gear on and everything. It's special," Jarod said.

The two got a picture last year too after they won a district championship together with Ellsworth, and the Lancers are steaming toward another with a 7-0 record this season.

With all of the success, Jarod said he still has to remind Brayden not to set his goals on what his older brother did in high school.

"He's told me, 'I just want to be as good as you,' and I always tell him, 'You should be better,'" Jarod said. "He's got that opportunity. That should be his goal to do whatever he wants in basketball and make it his own."

Whether it's father and daughters, father and sons, brother and brother or any other combination, the ties that bind family together seem to only be strengthened on the field of competition.

Just ask the Bradfords or Barnowskis or Opies or Steenwyks.