Talk Back: Primary reason to have a garage
We’ve got a confession to make. Normally, we wouldn’t say anything in hopes that the heat would blow over and nobody would find out until long after the problem had disappeared. But when we caught wind that the feds were on their way — with all the top media moguls in tow — we figured we’d better come clean right away. Who knows? Maybe they’ll go easy on us. So as embarrassing and painful as it is to admit, we now reveal all, in hopes the truth will set us free.
We’ve been harboring classified documents for years.
Shameful, we know. But hardly surprising. Just about everyone seems to have a collection of them these days. And while it’s no excuse, we’d plumb forgotten about them until earlier this week when we were cleaning out the garage — that’s where classified documents are always stored; it’s the law — and there they were. Mixed in with assorted letters, old sports scores and out-of-date grocery specials. We knew right away they were classified because that’s what it said at the top in 80-point font. Of course, they also go by another term. One with which you may be more familiar.
What? You were expecting nuclear codes? Don’t be silly. Only presidents carry those things around. Which reminds us. It’s almost tee time for that little donnybrook known as the presidential primary which seems to roll around every week or so. Where the only thing that tops the candidates’ jockeying for votes are the states leapfrogging one another to secure the ultimate bragging right.
Being the first to send the has-beens to the showers.
Thus Michigan’s attempt to become fifth in line among the POTUS towel-snappers. Because who wants a repeat of what happened in 2020 when the state wound up in a 6-way tie for 20th in the national primary pecking order. Which meant Michiganders’ chance to narrow down the list of contenders didn’t come until somewhere in the neighborhood of 24 hours before Inauguration Day. And that didn’t sit too well with a whole bunch of George and Weezy types who went all-out to change Michigan’s theme song come 2024 primary time.
To Movin’ on Up.
And wonder of wonders, they got plenty of buy-in. Everyone from the chamber of commerce pooh-bahs — with visions of candidates, their entourages, groupies and TV talking heads sending local economies soaring into the stratosphere while packing the hotels for weeks on end and dining nightly on sushi shish-kabobs, lobster tail and filet mignon while venturing venue to venue in chauffeured limousines — to the hardcore politicos eager to clear the ranks of the riff-raff before the groundhog sees his shadow. Only one little problem. The national mucky-mucks call the shots on stuff like this.
And only one side is onboard.
Just because the Democrats are ready to throw a change-up into the who’s on first routine doesn’t mean the Republicans have an obligation to do the same. With their calendar already set — and party rules forbidding any changes for another two years — altering Michigan’s GOP primary date brings punishment that’s both swift and sure. Like slashing the number of delegates who can participate in the national convention.
With the Democratic National Committee setting a February deadline for a legislatively enacted change and Republican lawmakers wanting to postpone the effective date until 2028 to avoid the aforementioned penalties, it’s pretty safe to say Michigan’s voters are the ones left holding the bag. The good news is there is a solution. The bad news? You’ll have to rummage through the garage to find it.
Because it’s classified.
Talk Back with Doug Spade and Mike Clement is heard every Saturday morning from 9 a.m. to noon Eastern Time on Buzz 102.5 FM and online at www.dougspade.com and www.lenconnect.com.
This article originally appeared on The Daily Telegram: Talk Back: Primary reason to have a garage