Taking an alcohol break? Giving it up completely? Here's how to be inconspicuous

Cocktail and chat time had ended and we sat down for dinner with a corporate vice president. I was in my early 40s, that career stage when you’re eager to leave a good impression.

When the waiter asked, I said, sure, bring me another drink. As I picked it up to take a sip, I noticed the red swizzle stick.

“Is this a gin and tonic?” I asked him. He nodded.

In more than 30 years of sobriety, it’s the only time I’ve had an alcoholic drink in my hand, bringing it toward my lips.

I still imagine what might have happened had I not recognized the significance of the swizzle stick. Even if I didn’t swallow, my alarm might have led me to spit it back or bolt from the table – not how I wanted to conduct myself.

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It’s a memory that amuses me – and shows how well my method of inconspicuous teetotalling works.

In settings like this, I drink club soda with lime. It’s refreshing, classy-looking, proper to sip – and is a dead ringer for a gin and tonic. Fooled the waiter.

USA TODAY colleague Morgan Hines’ recent piece on the growing popularity of nonalcoholic drinks reminded me of that moment 20 years ago and prompts me to offer a humble guide to folks who don’t want to drink but don’t want to be obvious about it.

The fact that people think about what drink they’re holding in social settings and how it might look to others simply underscores the central role alcohol plays in our culture. But sometimes, regardless of our reason, we don't feel like talking about our choices.

Keeping in mind that some people go their entire lives without drinking alcohol and function just fine, folks who give this much thought probably fall into roughly three categories.

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Need a break or just 'sober curious?'

The alcoholic. It’s a blunt term laden with preconceptions. I’m not here to quibble with those who don’t like it. Some people consistently create problems in their lives when they drink. The question becomes how to go about a professional and social life comfortably while adapting to a big change.

The second group feels a need for a break, perhaps because they fear chronic problems or maybe a night of overindulgence led to significant embarrassment and uncomfortable conversations. Maybe the break is purely to get up at 5 for an exercise program.

Better health probably plays a role in the third group, which nutritionist Ginger Hultin described to Hines as the “sober curious.”

"Nonalcoholic beer, nonalcoholic wine or even spirits and other types of nonalcoholic drinks like shrubs or kombucha are gaining traction. There's been more awareness about the potential negative effects of alcohol on health – physically and emotionally."

Others said the choice is easier because of more and better nonalcoholic drinks on the market.

This is all a more urgent matter for the first group, those of us who really need to change how we go about life, but everyone can be comfortably alcohol-free.

While I didn’t drink beer for the taste, if you like it, so-called nonalcoholic beer is more available than ever. The taste of wine is a big part of the experience, and modern nonalcoholic wines look interesting, as do the range of mocktails.

Solutions for not drinking at all

For the problem drinker category, though, it may not be a good idea to pretend to drink. The risk lies in failing to accept that your lifestyle must change – and almost all nonalcoholic beer and wine contain up to .5% alcohol by volume. In the true alcoholic mind, this means nine "nonalcoholic" beers equal a beer and 27 equal a light buzz. And who hasn’t had 27 beers in a sitting? (That’s absurd, but real alcoholics will do that math and simply don’t need to put real alcohol into their systems.)

As I described above, my go-to at dinners, receptions and open-bar settings is club soda with lime. A cola with lime or lemon should serve the same purpose but goes flat faster. Ice tea works too.

At dinners with friends, especially when it’s likely we’ll have a toast, I’ve brought truly nonalcoholic cider and poured it into my wine glass. One annual dinner I’ve attended starts with a shot served in pewter glasses. The host has left mine empty so I can raise it and feel included. It’s a respectful gesture that I appreciate.

But in more than 30 years of not drinking, I've been happily surprised that no one once has asked me what’s in my glass or why I’m not having a beer.

And that’s the most important takeaway: If you’re not in a frat, just about no one cares what you’re drinking. And I would venture that if they do, they might do well to take a break themselves.

This article originally appeared on USA TODAY: Taking break from alcohol: How to avoid drinking without being noticed