Stillwater family encourages others to become Therapeutic Foster Parents

May 18—A year ago Stillwater residents Mike and Lynn Koppner decided to become Therapeutic Foster Parents, opening their home up to a foster child who they described as their ray of sunshine.

Although Mike said he knew there would be challenges, he didn't expect the emotional attachment they all formed.

"We both believed that we could bond; we were not expecting this bonding to develop into true familial love, nor did we expect the child to bond so profoundly to us," Mike said." Children with traumatic backgrounds have difficulty attaching, and ours is a classic example."

Mike and Lynn were under the impression the child would act or behave in a certain way, causing challenges they would need to overcome.

They soon found out that the challenges would be more emotional than they expected.

"The challenges we have faced as TFC parents have been primarily emotional and cognitive. We cognitively had to adjust our thoughts about children," Mike said. "We thought that our TFC child would behave a certain way and that we would have to do a lot of challenging parenting; however, it was more emotional than that"

Although they have faced a multitude of challenges throughout this process, and every day brings a new challenge, the Koppners were able to overcome previous obstacles with the child.

Mike said it is hard to pinpoint the best moment throughout this process for the family, but he believes it is the moment they refer to as "the point of no return."

"Several weeks ago, an incident occurred in our family that seemingly had a significant effect on us. Somehow, our family conversation turned sour; everyone was triggered and continuously retriggering each other," he said.

Mike said they were retriggering each other with anger, and they stopped listening to each other and had a lack of respect.

The Koppners and the child decided it was time to use the crisis intervention and it needed to be in person, so they could work through the situation.

The three of them drove to Oklahoma City and barely said a word the entire drive.

"Upon arriving, we discovered that the child had brought her version of a 'go bag' with her. We were stunned. Never had it ever occurred to either of us that she would assume that since we were in crisis and driving to the agency that placed her in our care, we were through with her and that we would just leave her there alone at the agency," he said.

Mike told the child to put her suitcase into the trunk because she was going home with them.

Mike said he told her, "We are your family and families don't give up on each other. We work on our differences, and we find ways to live with and make our family stronger. That is why we are here. We are not abandoning you."

The Koppners and the child became stronger in that moment and the child knew she was wanted.

Mike said they basically fixed their family right there in the parking lot.

The Koppners said that becoming TFC parents has been rewarding, and they would recommend more people to do it.

"TFC kids are tough — tough on themselves, tough on the people trying to help them and tough on foster parents due to their life circumstances," he said. "We know there are other people out there that can give TFC children what they need, they just need to know they are needed."

With it being Foster Care Awareness month, the Koppners wanted to let the community see that there is a real need for foster parents.

"The awareness of foster care is a responsibility of every citizen of society, of every person who knows about it. Even if you cannot be a foster parent, you can spread the word, tell your friends and family," he said.

Mike said if he could tell people one thing about his experience as a TFC parent it would be one of the most outstanding achievements in his life.

He described TFC parenting as a reward that sits deep in their hearts, surfacing through every hug the child gives them.

"She is our sunshine, the ray of hope that the future will be OK," he said.

Casey White, the External Communications and Media Relations Administrator said they have "about 120 children in TFC currently with 120 families, but we could double that to closer to 300 children and families."

She said doubling it would help them better serve the children in Oklahoma.

"We can hope that we could have a waiting list for foster parents instead of a waiting list of children one day," White said.