'Is it wrong to send one child to private school – but not the other?'

Dear Moral Money, 

I have two children – a son and a daughter aged nine and 10. Ever since they were little, my wife and I had our hearts set on enrolling them in one of the best schools in our area.

For a long time, covering the annual fees of £16,000 per child felt financially within reach. But the recent stock market turmoil means our investments are down 20pc. So the other night, my wife and I had to have the heartbreaking conversation where we admitted that we just cannot afford to send both of them to private school.

However, we do have enough saved to cover the fees for one of them. In our opinion, our eldest would benefit the most. She has always done well academically, whereas our son is not quite as studious. Our daughter is also extremely musically talented and the music department at this school is second-to-none.

Is it wrong to send one child to private school but not the other? I would be horrified if it made our youngest think we loved him less than his sister. But we always wanted to give our children the best education we could afford.

RB, via email 

It seems a shame that one of your children should miss out on the high-quality education you always dreamed of giving them. However, you might not have to give up on that dream just yet. As long as you’re clever with your money, it might be possible both could still be privately educated.

One way to significantly cut fees is to enrol your children in sixth form college, rather than the full seven years of secondary school. This means you’ll only have to cover two years’ worth of fees for both kids – an overall saving of £160,000.

Another option is bursaries. According to the Independent Schools Council, over a third of privately educated pupils receive some form of financial assistance. Perhaps your virtuoso child could be eligible for a scholarship. Some schools also offer “eligible family” schemes where siblings of existing students get a discount – so if your eldest is enrolled, the other could soon follow.

If you cannot get assistance from the school, family could be your next best bet. In lieu of an inheritance, the kids’ grandparents can give up to £3,000 a year tax-free by using up their annual gift allowance.

Alternatively, they could set up a ‘bare trust’ in one of their names. With a bare trust, the trustee can withdraw money at any time as long as it’s for the child, allowing the grandparents to contribute to the school fees.

If you do decide to enrol your eldest in private school but not her brother, there is a risk it could seriously hurt his self-esteem, especially as he gets older. Remember, there are plenty of ways to enrich your child’s education without going the whole hog and paying for private school.

Instead of spending that £16,000 a year on school fees, for example, you could put it towards private tuition, sports clubs or music lessons. That way, both children will benefit from the money and can receive a better education.

What do you think? Let us know in the comments section below and by emailing moralmoney@telegraph.co.uk.

You can also put any question to us (and anonymously) by using the email address above.

Last week’s Moral Money: ‘I’m driving to work during the train strikes, can I charge my neighbours for a lift?’

Dear Moral Money,

I’ve decided to drive into work this week while the train strikes are going on. I live outside of London, near Aylesbury, so I usually travel by rail. I’ve written off any chance I’ll be able to board a train, so my commute looks like it will be a nightmare – involving two buses and a coach and taking me at least three hours door-to-door.

I was complaining about this last weekend at a neighbour’s garden party. Two women who live on my road – and who I sometimes commute in with – were tearing their hair out over the strikes, worrying about how they were going to make it into work. Neither of them own a car themselves, so I offered them a lift during the strikes.

The trouble is, it’s not that convenient for me. Although they work somewhat near my offices, driving through central London during the strikes will be horrendous. And with the cost of fuel so high – it’s 165p a litre for unleaded at my local petrol station – it’s probably going to cost me at least £10 in petrol each day, which works out at £40 over the whole week. And then there is the extortionate cost of parking.

Could I ask them to make a contribution? If I was driving some friends out of town, I’d have no problems suggesting we split the cost. But is that too un-neighbourly?

–  Angela B, the Chilterns

Asking your neighbours to make a contribution to your driving costs is certainly within your rights. With the price of fuel continuing to soar, carpooling right now doesn’t come cheap. According to the latest data from the RAC, the average petrol price currently stands at 186.59p per litre, an increase of around 50p since last year, while diesel is at 192.48p.

Time is also money, and during the UK’s biggest rail strike in decades, making a detour to their workplaces could significantly lengthen your journey given the huge surge in traffic. The AA warns that major city routes will be extremely busy.

All this considered, it seems only fair your neighbours should chip in. But we all know relationships with neighbours can be tricky. You might decide it’s not worth having the difficult conversation if it means glaring at each other over the garden hedge for the rest of summer.

Perhaps, instead of charging them a fee, you could offer to drive your neighbours only part way into town. Alternatively, you could ask them to return the favour and give you a lift at some point in the future?

Whatever you decide, going forwards, you should do what you can to cut your fuel costs. For a start, it’s usually cheaper to fill up your tank at the supermarket. You can also try driving more efficiently to cut down on the amount of fuel used.

Poll results: Should our reader charge their neighbours for a lift?

Yes - it's a big ask so charging them is only fair - 77pc

Yes - but it should just be a token amount - 11pc

No - they should just ask for a favour instead - 4pc

No - it's not worth souring relationships with their neighbours - 8pc