Reflections: Let bitterness go, if only for yourself

While reading “Widower’s Grief”, a website for grieving widows and widowers, I came upon the word bitterness.

I found bitterness used 17 times in the Bible, 14 in the Old Testament. Bitter and its derivatives were used 81 times.

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I’ve taken two or three classes about grieving for Nancy and learned about the five stages of grieving: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and finally, acceptance.

I also found a website that said there were seven stages of grief. I don’t know about that, but the writer did say we all grieve differently.

Grieving really affects us during the holidays.

Looking back, I didn’t feel bitter over Nancy’s passing for the first 29 months. But each day brings its own emotions. And one day it is bitterness. So, I guess I was angry at God.

But as I write this in 2021, I’m over my bitterness toward God, but there are many things that I still don’t understand.

But one thing I do know – it doesn’t help us to harbor bitterness. It can eat you alive.

I guess that’s why Paul admonished us not to be bitter in Ephesians. He was quite succinct.

Ephesians 4:31 tells us: “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.”

Like unforgiveness, I think getting rid of bitterness affects us the most. When we don’t forgive others, I feel the only ones we are hurting are ourselves, especially if we aren’t around the people who needs forgiveness.

That said, Paul’s admonition in Ephesians 4:31 is spot-on. I know I’ve been bitter, suffered rage and anger. I don’t think I’ve slandered anyone and I was never one for brawling, but so what?

We are to get rid of every form of malice.

There are many verses about malice but let’s just stay with Ephesians, starting in Ephesians 4:25 and following.

Firstly put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor. I think Paul is speaking about the church because he said, “We are all members of one body.”

By the way, I’m going to write another column about “the church,” what I wrote about in last week’s column. I’ve received several emails and think I need to clarify what I mean by “the church.”

Getting back to Ephesians 4:26 and following.

Paul gave married folks very good advice when he wrote, “In your anger do not sin.”

Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold. We are told we can get angry, but we need to do it without sinning. I don’t know about you, but I think it’s safer just not to get angry.

We’re told not to steal. That means not cheating on our taxes, among other things.

Here’s one I have trouble with: Paul told us not to let any unwholesome talk come out of our mouths. Sometimes when I’m joking, I can get unwholesome. Instead I should say things that are helpful for building up others. Paul takes it another step when he tells us to think about needs. And we are told not grieve the Holy Spirit of God.

Finally, Paul closes with Ephesians 4:31-32, which is where we started. He told us, “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice."

Once again, he tells us to take it another step further. We are to be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as God forgives us in Christ.

I know there is no time limit for grieving. And I’m sure I’ll never be over the loss of Nancy. But I do believe I’m accepting of it, and I am moving on.

Getting rid of bitterness and the like certainly helps.

Rick Reed is a columnist for The Daily Commercial, to reach Rick, e-mail him at ricoh007@aol.com. And if you can’t get enough Rick Reed, read his blog at rickreed.co.

This article originally appeared on Daily Commercial: Let bitterness go, if only for yourself