Pokémon Legends: Arceus Has Giant Pokémon And Of Course Everyone Wants To Be Stepped On

·3 min read
A young Pokémon trainer looks shocked.
A young Pokémon trainer looks shocked.

Early copies of Pokémon Legends: Arceus somehow broke street date last week, setting the internet ablaze with details about the highly anticipated game. We recently took a look at all the new pocket monsters players will be able to train when Arceus launches on January 28, but now it’s time to get into the important stuff: giant Pokémon that folks are being weirdly (if unsurprisingly) sexual about.

Just a warning, everything from this point on will veer close to spoiler territory, so tab away if you’re waiting to see Pokémon Legends: Arceus for yourself.

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Pokémon of the same species come in a variety of sizes in Pokémon Legends: Arceus. Sometimes you’ll need to catch multiples of the same size while undertaking the game’s research tasks, but it’s unclear if size comes into play elsewhere. One classification of Pokémon, however, always tips the scales, causing some of the taller specimens to absolutely tower over the player. These are known as alpha Pokémon.

“During your expeditions, you’ll sometimes run into alphas: Pokémon that are larger than normal and have glowing red eyes,” the official Pokémon Legends: Arceus website explains. “Alphas will chase you down and attack you when they notice you. They’re tough opponents, but they’ll become great allies if you manage to catch them. They may even drop rare items if you defeat them in battle.”


Pokémon (YouTube)

According to folks who are already studying the inner workings of the game’s code, each individual Pokémon in Pokémon Legends: Arceus is assigned a size value ranging from zero to 255. This number scales the creature’s model in the game world, producing Pokémon that can be very, very small to monstrously huge. Alphas are always given a 255, making them the largest Pokémon in the game.

Social media is currently being inundated with people infatuated by these huge Pokémon, especially when it comes to species with more human-like qualities.

“This is gonna be this year’s Lady Dimitrescu situation isn’t it,” wrote one Twitter user, comparing a picture of a tall Gardevoir to Resident Evil Village’s massive vampire lady.

“With these big Pokémon in Arceus, we’re about [to] enter the ‘plz step on me’ era of Pokémon,” joked another alongside a screenshot of Lopunny.

One comment on the r/PokeLeaks subreddit even had the audacity to introduce the phrase “Machoke me daddy” to my internal monologue, where it will unfortunately live on as an intrusive thought for the foreseeable future.

Pokémon Legends: Arceus hype is reaching a fever pitch, a din of excitement that’s only grown with the last week of leaks. Here’s hoping this experimental Pokémon game lives up to its lofty potential. In any case, you still have a few days to come up with lewd captions for your giant Pokémon screenshots, so get cracking.