What your pansexual friend wishes you knew: 'It’s a very fluid thing'

David Oliver, USA TODAY
·3 min read
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Several big name celebrities have come out as pansexual in recent years, including JoJo Siwa, Bella Thorne, Janelle Monáe and Miley Cyrus. But misconceptions abound regarding what may be one of the less familiar identities under the LGBTQ umbrella.

Pansexuality refers to someone attracted to all people no matter their gender identity. It's not to be confused with bisexuality, which means being attracted to more than one gender.

More U.S. adults than ever are coming out as LGBTQ (5.6%), and 1 in 6 members of Generation Z identifies as LGBTQ, according to a 2021 Gallup poll. Celebrities coming out as pansexual has brought further attention to the sexual orientation.

Many celebrities have come out as pansexual in recent years, including JoJo Siwa, Bella Thorne, Janelle Monáe (pictured) and Miley Cyrus.
Many celebrities have come out as pansexual in recent years, including JoJo Siwa, Bella Thorne, Janelle Monáe (pictured) and Miley Cyrus.

What do pansexual people wish we knew about them? We asked.

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Nicole Mello

Age: 25

Occupation: Author, historian and park ranger

Location: Watertown, Massachusetts

Nicole Mello, who is pansexual, says "if you had asked me this a few years ago, I would've asked you to stand by while I desperately Googled hoping that someone, anyone, had come out for me to turn to. Luckily, I have a few role models right now. Among them are Janelle Monáe, Asia Kate Dillon, and JoJo Siwa."
Nicole Mello, who is pansexual, says "if you had asked me this a few years ago, I would've asked you to stand by while I desperately Googled hoping that someone, anyone, had come out for me to turn to. Luckily, I have a few role models right now. Among them are Janelle Monáe, Asia Kate Dillon, and JoJo Siwa."

When they first started identifying as pansexual: "I first started identifying as pansexual in high school. Before that, I identified myself as bisexual, but I knew even then that something wasn't right about that label. I wasn't introduced to pansexuality as a verbalized concept until high school, and once I learned it, I knew I had found the word for what I had always known about myself."

What are the biggest misconceptions about pansexuality: "I can't even begin to count. Some of the most heinous offenders:

  • 'Pansexuality only exists because people believe bisexuality is transphobic when it's not.' Bisexual and pansexual exist freely and separate of one another. We are both wonderful and valid, but separate, groups within the queer community.

  • 'Pansexual people are also polyamorous.' Pansexual people are pansexual. Polyamorous people are polyamorous. There are, of course, intersectional overlaps, and many people who are both pansexual and polyamorous. However, these two labels are not synonyms for one another in any capacity.

  • 'Pansexuals are flirty/debaucherous/promiscuous. They have trouble staying in relationships and/or staying committed.' "I've heard this one a lot. There's this strange belief that because pansexual people are attracted to others regardless of gender, their eyes are always roaming. Pansexuals are simply people who experience attraction like anyone else. A person's sexuality is very different from their personality, choices, and lifestyle, as everyone in the queer community knows."

What they wish people knew: "Being pansexual is not inherently slutty, or invalid, or dispassionate. If I had known about pansexuality when I was a young child, and had seen it as an accepted and welcome sexuality, I would have grown up so much more comfortable and confident in my own skin."

Nicholas Richards

Age: 23

Occupation: Seeking graduate school education

What do you love about being pansexual? "I like the openness of liking whoever I can."

What are the biggest misconceptions people have about pansexuality? "I’d say the biggest is not understanding how we can say we can love whoever despite labels or specific gender identities."

What do you wish people knew about being pansexual? "It’s a very fluid thing and, like all identities and labels, the only person who should care about what you are is you if that’s what you need."

Vanessa Carlisle

Age: 41

Occupation: Writer and activist

Location: Los Angeles

"I love still being surprised sometimes by who I'm attracted to," Vanessa Carlisle says
"I love still being surprised sometimes by who I'm attracted to," Vanessa Carlisle says

What do you love about being pansexual? "I love still being surprised sometimes by who I'm attracted to. Because I don't have a 'type' I never quite know how my body is going to respond to new people in new situations."

What do you wish people knew about being pansexual? "Pansexual people experience many of the same prejudices and erasures that bisexual people do – and because we don't tend to have our own categories on research forms, we are generally lumped in with bisexual people in research. I guess I just wish there was less pressure to be 'queer enough' as a pan person and more space to share our experiences."

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This article originally appeared on USA TODAY: Pansexual meaning: What is pansexuality, and what are misconceptions?