Have pandemic questions and need advice? Ask Josh, our COVID counselor

This pandemic won’t go away. You’ve got questions. You’ve got worries. This is the place for answers. Consider me the COVID counselor.

I’m a healthy and active 64-year-old woman who enjoys working out at my gym. For some time now there have been a plethora of mostly younger men who wear their masks under their noses or around their chins. One guy was perilously close to me huffing and puffing one day recently with his nose uncovered. I politely asked him if he would please cover his nose especially while being so near. If looks could kill I would have been dead right then and there! I wanted to ask him how his mother would react if she had witnessed our interaction!

— Susan in Hillsborough

My mother is 74, and if somebody scowled at her for making a polite mask request, my first impulse would be an ugly insult — made from 6 inches away, not 6 feet.

But that’s the wrong idea. Shaming people doesn’t work, even when they deserve it. Too many people are walking around with clenched fists.

This huffer-and-puffer was clearly in the wrong. Much of the Triangle is still under an indoor mask mandate, and doctors say a safe social distance can be more like 20 feet when people are breathing heavily.

But we all know you’re more likely to get a jaywalking ticket than a mask reprimand. In some gyms, fights have broken out over a simple request. In Miami, one gym member took pictures of everyone working out mask-free, and guess who got his membership canceled? That’s right. The tattletale with the camera.

So I’ll give a mother’s advice: fight rudeness with kindness. Say “Thank you for listening” and, if possible, move to a stationary bike further down the line.

I like this guidance from Steve Starks, who owns a gym in Peoria, Ill., and asks that all patrons at least bring a mask in their pocket, breaking it out when things get close.

For a mask request, he said, “We always ask them to take the initiative. If you feel unsafe then you step back, then you put on the mask and that will cue the other person to also put on their mask and that makes them so they’re not so offended.”

This question is everywhere. How to confront mask resisters, especially when they’re supposed to be required?

Here’s a question from a grocery shopper who found two stock clerks wearing their masks “like a chin diaper.” She made her uncomfortable request.

One looked at me and laughed and did the side-eye thing. I was furious and said the only thing I could think of: “Stop laughing at me.” How do I address the issue on the spot? Leave my groceries and walk out?“

— Judy in Chapel Hill

Ask but don’t confront.

After two years of COVID immersion, nobody wants to be lectured. Tucker Carlson of Fox News has encouraged anti-maskers to confront those behind face coverings, so imagine being on the receiving end of that.

The best bet is to steer clear. Turn your shopping cart around and avoid them like ... well, you know.

Do tell the manager, either in person or by email later, copied as high up the company’s chain of command as you can get. You can’t force somebody to follow these rules, but you can make it well-known they’re breaking them.

Josh Shaffer has been a reporter and columnist for The News & Observer since 2004, covering a variety of topics. He is not a licensed doctor, public health specialist or a therapist.

Got a question? Write him at jshaffer@newsobserver.com. We’ll just use your first name and hometown.