OPINION: More parental blunders to avoid, part 2

Dec. 4—Let me again stress I'm no expert on parenting. I'm neither Dr. Spock nor Dr. Seuss, and I can't even fit the bill for Dr. Phil or Judge Judy. But since I've watched my friends making the same mistakes people of the previous generation made, I felt compelled to share a bit of wisdom. I came up with 14 points, the first seven of which I mentioned last week. I'm not saying your children will turn out to be ax murderers — or worse yet, politicians — if you don't comply, but there's always a chance.

8. Don't relive your life through your kids. If your daughter is a cheerleader, don't squeeze yourself into your old uniform, drag out your threadbare pompoms and saddle oxfords, and blunder around in the stands during the football games. You'll embarrass your daughter and wind up a target of ridicule on social media. When I was in junior high at Fort Gibson, a man whose son was a quarterback would blame other players when the QB fumbled or got sacked. He'd yell, "Block for 'im, boys!" Other parents — whose sons were on the line — would tell him to sit down and shut up. You've passed your heyday; let your kids have their time in the sun. Think of 2 Timothy 4:7: "I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course. ..." Now, do as the parents in Fort Gibson said, and sit down and shut up — unless you want your kids to drop out of whatever you wish you could still handle.

9. Don't compete with your kids. These pathetic parents are a bit like those in No. 8, but they're looking for personal validation at the expense of their kids. I know a dozen women who do everything possible to keep their youthful appearance: dieting, exercise, facelifts, buns peeking out from beneath short-shorts. Yet they'll stuff food down the gullets of their teen daughters, until the girls are overweight and miserable, while at the same time chastising them — sometimes publicly — for their bodies, or telling them to fix their hair, shave their legs, put on deodorant, "or you'll never get a boyfriend." I've heard women comment, "My daughter's friends think I look younger than she does!" Worse yet, I've seen women shamelessly flirt with their daughters' boyfriends. When dads compete, it's usually with comments in front of their sons' friends that they were much better athletes — because athletics is more important than anything for Okies. You won't hear a dad bragging he was a much better tuba player than his boy.

10. Don't steal from your kids. Many parents set up "college funds" for their kids, even if they suspect their kids will never go to college. Just as often, there's a savings account "for when you get married." And sometimes, parents borrow money from those accounts to pay the rent, get school clothes, or buy a couple of grams of something — and never pay it back, even if the intent is there. I know people whose grandparents gave them gold or silver coins or other valuable items, and whose parents took those items for "safekeeping," which turned out to be more like "self-keeping." If you take something was meant for your child, you're a thief, unless you've discussed it with the child and explained your reasoning. And yeah, that means if you find your child's stash of Skittles, ask before you eat.

11. Don't condemn a child for experimenting with alcohol or pot, or even drugs. OK, sanction them, ground them, whatever. But punishment should be meted out with love and understanding. Telling your kid that smoking pot is "of the devil" will get you laughed at behind your back, and called a "prude" or worse. It doesn't matter whether you engaged in those behaviors, though you probably did. I always told my son if he wound up intoxicated somewhere, he could either call his dad and me and we'd pick him up, along with any inebriated friends who might be staggering around with him, or he could call a cab and we'd foot the bill. They should know there will be consequences for their actions, so if they get arrested for DUI, let them spend the night in jail. My son realized that whoever was sheriff or police chief at any given time, chances were good that I knew him or her, and that I would request he be given "hard time" for at least the night. (I chuckled when someone my age proudly boasted, "My daughter never did things like that!" because I'm acquainted with parents of other kids who "did things like that" with the daughter.)

12. Don't kick them out if they are struggling, or turn out to be someone different than you thought. If you kick kids out of the house because they're LGBTQ, you are a poor excuse for a human being, and a worse excuse for a parent. You may be disappointed at first, but if you ever "loved" that child, you will still love that child as LGBTQ. True love can't be turned off like a spigot. And some kids will go through phases — black lipstick, weird music — to "test" you, while others hope you can accept them for who they are. Don't rise to the bait, and accept them with love and hugs. You don't have to keep giving money to a kid that blows it constantly, or give lodging to a criminal, but never permanently shut the door. Talk to other parents who have been there, done that. Don't tell them they're going to hell, unless you want them to shun religion. Also, get a copy of the New Testament, because your interpretation needs a little work.

I'm out of room. More later.