'It's not on steroids anymore:' Over-the-top Valentine's Day celebrations lose their spark
Melisa Kahler has been happily married to her husband, Kristijan, for nearly three decades. After meeting as college students, they tied the knot, had three boys, and have lived in marital bliss ever since.
And they’ve never celebrated Valentine’s Day with big bouquets, expensive dinners or fluffy teddy bears.
“We had a couple of Valentine’s Day plans that went haywire early on when we were dating,” said Kahler, who lives in Raritan Township. “We decided then and there that we were done, not a single Valentine, not one more.”
On their first Valentine’s Day together in 1992, Kristijan's train got stuck on the tracks on his way to see Melisa, leaving her at the train station to wonder where he was until 11 p.m. (this was in 1992, before cell phones). The following Valentine’s Day, Kristijan came to her apartment to pick her up for dinner — except she wasn’t there. Kristijan forgot they had an appointment with their wedding invitation designer at that time.
The Kahlers are by far not the only couple that scoffs at the high price tags and high pressure of over-the-top Valentine’s Day celebrations. Instead, more people are bidding goodbye to the often-called Hallmark holiday, and they're creating their own low-key, nontraditional celebrations — if they choose to do anything at all.
“When we were younger we would just make a nice dinner and I used to make him homemade cards, but no gifts,” Melisa said. “I used to also bake Valentine's Day desserts with my kids. Now I do nothing for my husband, but I send my kids cards or Venmo them something since they’re off to college.”
Just ask Dating.com. According to this year’s data, 40% of couples are skipping fancy gifts and dinners this Valentine's Day, and 63% prefer an intimate night at home rather than an elaborate dinner out.
The new normal
According to Kristina Durante, vice chair and professor of marketing at Rutgers University in New Brunswick, the “new normal” in the aftermath of the pandemic could partly be the reason for this.
“Valentine’s Day was a very public-facing holiday that was almost like a competition, but then during the pandemic, there was no one to send flowers to at work or school and nowhere to go out to eat,” she said. “Now it’s socially OK to not go nuts and people feel comfortable doing alternative things. The pandemic normalized Netflix and chill. Valentine’s Day isn’t on steroids anymore.”
To a lot of couples, that Valentine’s Day detox is a welcome one, as the holiday has long been filled with endless pressure and it rarely lived up to expectations. That’s exactly why the Kahlers canceled their celebrations.
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“There is that expectation that Valentine’s Day is supposed to be awesome and perfect and we had two that kind of sucked and we weren’t even married, so we said, 'We’re just going to do our own little thing,' ” Melisa said. “And if you don’t have someone on Valentine’s Day, you feel worse. It’s not supposed to be designed make you feel worse.”
That pressure also comes with a high price tag. Restaurant prices are normally higher on Valentine’s Day, with prix fixe only menus and limited seatings. Reservations book up weeks or even months in advance. Red rose bouquets are pricey. And especially during this period of inflation — the highest in four decades — people just don’t have the means to spend extra cash on the holiday.
“I think more people do what I do now than vice-versa,” Melisa said. “My friend went out with her husband last year on Valentine’s Day and she said, ‘I’m never doing that again, it was horrible. The meal wasn’t that good, it was so expensive, and I felt rushed.’ “
Anti-Valentine's Day events
Some ways to celebrate Valentine’s Day are knocks to the holiday. Just search for “anti-Valentine’s Day things to do” and you’re sure to find a slew of events near you — including Evil Genius Beer Company in Philadelphia’s “Single Ladies & She Wolves: An Anti-Valentine's Drag Brunch.”
From 11 a.m. to 2 p.m. on Sunday, Feb. 19, the brunch will feature drag queens singing “all the break-up songs and self-love jams you can ask for,” reads the event description, such as "Break My Soul" by Beyoncé, "Since U Been Gone" by Kelly Clarkson, and "Womanizer" by Britney Spears.
Tickets start at $25 and can be purchased by clicking here.
Usually, the majority of tickets for Evil Genius Beer Company events sell the week before the event, said brewery co-owner Trevor Hayward. But already, the anti-Valentine’s Day brunch is more than halfway sold out.
“There are so many Valentine’s Day things that happen during February that we wanted to take the opposite track of that,” Hayward said. “Some people want to do something that’s not all about being lovey-dovey. We wanted to give people the option of something that’s not out there for them.”
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In a cultural shift that prioritizes inclusivity, self-love, as well as love between all types of people that seems to also be just the thing that people are looking for on Feb. 14, said Durante.
“Maybe there is an ‘OK, boomer’ factor around Valentine’s Day,” she said. “Everyone is so supportive of being enlightened or ‘woke’ and leaving behind all of the ways that we used to do things and wrapped up in that is Valentine's Day. If there’s this whole generation that feels this was important in the past but was created by white men in business suits, then yes, they’re going to push against it.”
Contact: JIntersimone@MyCentralJersey.com
Jenna Intersimone has been a staff member at the USA TODAY NETWORK New Jersey since 2014, after becoming a blogger-turned-reporter following the creation of her award-winning travel blog. To get unlimited access to her stories about food, drink and fun, please subscribe or activate your digital account today.
This article originally appeared on MyCentralJersey.com: Over-the-top Valentine's Day celebrations have lost their spark
