Maya Vander Opens Up About Pregnancy Loss at 38 Weeks: 'I Don't Wish It on Anyone'

Netflix

Maya Vander is opening up about the devastating pregnancy loss she suffered earlier this month.

The Selling Sunset star spoke to E! News about the recent loss of her baby boy, Mason, in a stillbirth at 38 weeks. Vander told the outlet, "I didn't have the chance to connect to him as much but it just kills me that he didn't get the love that I could've possibly given him, because I was ready."

Vander, who shares son Aiden, 2, and daughter Elle, 19 months, with her husband, David Miller, told E! she "was so ready for a third kid," adding, "it's just not fair to him. I just don't know what happened, so that's the closure that I still don't have."

While Vander and her husband "don't know what happened" that led to the stillbirth yet, they're hoping an autopsy will provide answers.

Maya Vander/Instagram

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"Maybe … with the autopsy we'll get the closure, but as of now everything is a big question mark," she explained in the interview.

While waiting for results, Vander and her husband held a burial "to give him the respect that he deserves and a place for us to go and grieve," she said, explaining to E!, "It's a very tough process to look at your baby basically dead. I don't wish it on anyone."

Reflecting on the grieving process, Vander told E!, "I wish I could just be a strong person and just brush everything off, but it's just not the case."

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Because her pregnancy was featured on season 4 of Selling Sunset, Vander said "people know my pregnancy … so a lot of women reach out to me. They send me emails. They share their stories."

Hearing from other women has been helpful, she said: "It helps me to read — and especially a lot of them did have a successful delivery and a baby after. That's something that I would really like to have: I really would like to have another baby and have a nice sweet experience at the end."

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Vander said that while her two young children don't quite understand the loss of their brother, she plans to tell them about him when they are older.

"My son, he doesn't fully understand. But when he sees my husband and I, when we cry, he tells us, 'Don't be sad, mommy,' and it breaks my heart even more," she said. "He didn't ask me, 'Where is the baby?' because I don't think he understands. I think once they do understand, I would always tell them they had a brother. They will know the story."

Vander first shared the news of her pregnancy loss on Instagram Dec. 10, posting a photo of a memory box.

"Yesterday was the hardest day of my life. I had a stillbirth at 38 weeks. I always heard of it but never imagined I'll be part of the statistics," she wrote. "Instead of delivering a baby, I get to go home with a memory box … I do not wish this on anyone."

Vander added, "What was a regular weekly checkup turned into a nightmare that I never imagine will happen to me,' she continues. "Given I share my pregnancies in the show I knew I'll have to post about this and avoid the 'when is your due date 'question. You will always be in our heart baby Mason 💔💙."