Matt Markey: Father's Day a good time for a job review

Jun. 19—On Father's Day and at a thousand other intervals throughout the year, the dads of the world need to grill that guy in the mirror and engage in some serious self-examination.

As we accept the cards, hugs, and phone calls today, the question we have to ask ourselves is not "are we doing the job", but rather, are we fulfilling this lifelong obligation, and doing so in an honorable and righteous manner. Being a father is the toughest yet most rewarding role a man can play, but there are no days off no leaves of absence, and no shirking the responsibility.

I know a lot of great dads. I had one for 40-some years and although he's been gone for a quarter of a century, his indelible mark still impacts my life every day. My wife has a phenomenal dad, and while charging hard toward 89 years old, this Army veteran of the Korean War era is still knocking it out of the park every day as a father, grandfather, and great-grandfather.

There are many other outstanding fathers in my orbit of family, friends, and co-workers. I am blessed to have them as examples and reminders of the most important place we hold in the lives of those we have as our children — being a 24/7/365 father. The bar is set high, there is no expiration date and forget about the task getting easier when they reach 18. You are a father forever.

Unfortunately, in the course of my work and frequent interactions with many groups and individuals in the region, I see a lot of lousy dads, too. And that ignominious club seems to have a growing membership.

At summer learn-to-fish camps, I've asked kids from ages eight to 12 how many of them have ever gone fishing with their dad, and just a few hands go up. When speaking to middle school classes pre-coronavirus, I was shocked at how few of the kids had ever had their father teach them what poison ivy looks like, or how to build a campfire or climb a tree.

Has the role of a father changed that much in my lifetime, that so many of the things I learned from my dad and with my dad are no longer part of the parental program? Have too many of the dads of today surrendered their role to the school, the government, or just plain dropped all of those fatherly duties from the job description?

If that is the case, my warning to those absentee dads is that you are missing out on some of the most treasured moments you will have on this planet. You will have long forgotten the game-winning touchdown you scored in high school, the eagle you once registered in golf league, or the salesman of the quarter award you received, but you'll always recall the look on your daughter's face when you helped her catch that first bluegill.

This isn't a blanket indictment, since situations vary and often are complicated by the actions of the adults, but this Father's Day is the time to step back and take inventory of your dad resume. We can all do better, and do more, but for some, the father role has become a bit part, at best.

If you live in this area and your children have never walked the trails at Oak Openings with you as their tour guide, then give yourself a few demerits. If your kids are headed to high school but so far you have never taken them to a parade, a Mud Hens game, the art museum, or the fireworks, then rework your list of priorities.

If you have thousands of dollars in tattoos but your children don't have a decent laptop or tablet for their school work, maybe consider whether you deserve the father title at all. Your children, and the fatherly duties that accompany being a father, mean that you go without, or certainly go with much less if that is what is required to make sure they have what they need.

If you are at the club at midnight on a Saturday, instead of laying on your back on a blanket in the backyard with your children around you as you point out the constellations in the endless sky, think about who you are cheating on here.

If you have seen every Ohio State game in the season, but missed a few of your daughter's tee-ball games, consider who needs you the most as their fan. If over the course of the last year you have spent more nights in a Marriott than you have in a tent that you and the kids pitched, consider the lifetime points you will earn while watching your children drift off to sleep, feeling safe despite the dark — just because their dad was there.

If you don't miss the chance to attend a business conference or a convention, but you have never helped your grade-school child with a school project, made a costume for the school play, or built a snowman with them, your dad card is probationary.

Being a father is not easy. When they are young your children think you are the smartest person in the world, but then in their teens you morph into the dumbest and most-out-of-touch individual and they wonder how you ever passed the seventh grade. The circle eventually closes when they reach their early twenties and you evolve into this wise old man. But all of the time you are still the dad.

Father's Day calls for a lengthy review of what we do and what we regard as important in our lives. It's not the car, the career, the 401K, the golf handicap, or the Harley. It's the children — those most precious people you helped create and the individuals that give you the privilege of being a father. In the big picture, if you are a good father, none of that other stuff is really all that important.

First Published June 19, 2021, 9:00am