Lori Falce: Mothering is an action word
May 7—Mother is a complicated word.
We think of it most easily as a noun — a female parent, the pie-baking June Cleaver who kisses skinned knees and helps with homework. But there are a million kinds of mothers, making it hard to stick with the stereotype.
There are mothers who couldn't bake a pie to save their own lives but are absolute heroes to the soccer team they coach. There are mothers who just aren't the kissing booboos type but they can rock the Girl Scouts cookie sale. Some moms bring home the bacon. Some moms are natural-born preschool teachers.
And the differences come because mother isn't just a noun. It's also a verb.
The same thing happens with father. It defines the man who taught you to ride a bike but it is also an action word — the ability to create a child.
But mothering a child isn't incubating it. It's not the act of carrying a baby to term. While fathering a child starts at the beginning, mothering one is more of a lifelong activity.
It differs from raising — the act of shepherding a child on the path to adulthood. That can be done by anyone. A dad, a mom, a grandparent, a foster family, a network of support.
Mothering is the special, unique action of the person — regardless of biology — who holds a child's heart and hands. It describes a way of loving that both feeds the soul and shelters the body. Mothering is both an action word and a state of being.
Which is why Mother's Day is important.
In 1908, Congress said no to the idea of a holiday celebrating moms. It only took lawmakers six years to realize their error and correct it — probably because they all had mothers of their own or mothers of their children at home questioning the decision, or possibly because every U.S. state had already proclaimed Mother's Day on their own by then.
It was not the first time the government has underestimated the importance of mothers. It wasn't the last. Congress has frequently failed to give adequate support to maternity leave. The U.S. lags behind 40 other countries in paid leave, from Estonia with 86 weeks to Ireland with nine weeks.
Even President Biden's proposal for 12 weeks of paid leave falls short of policies in at least 26 other countries, including world-stage economic competitors like Japan, Germany and South Korea.
There are other moms, too. The moms who already did their job, mothering us to adulthood, are aging, becoming the seniors who also need our support. Health care, senior housing, the ability to stay in their homes if they want as they get older and need help — these are all things that need to be not just recognized but prioritized.
How we treat moms — how we help them nurture and grow the next generation — is more than just about brunch and flowers on the second Sunday in May. Get your mom jewelry and make her dinner, but try to find and support solutions that would help or honor the job she has done.
Mothering is hard work. At the very least, it deserves to be respected.
Lori Falce is a Tribune-Review community engagement editor. You can contact Lori at lfalce@triblive.com.
