Lenawee Smiles: Too many close calls between van, pedestrians in parking lots

I really try not to climb aboard my soapbox, my friends, but am driven to it early this year — I’ll just get it over with. I think you will be standing right up there with me on this one.

Parking lots are designed to scare me witless. They are fraught with danger every time I have to park in one. Actually, the parking part is not so bad. I slot my van in with no problem whatsoever, exit the thing, lock it up, grab a cart and shop myself silly, go back, load

the goods into the back of the van, get in, buckle up and start the vehicle. At that point, sweat starts to cascade down the back of my shirt.

I have to put this 2011 beauty in reverse with a simple plan of escaping back to my home.

However, no matter how many times I check each and every mirror and the dashboard

camera and listen to the warning bells, someone will walk behind me as i am backing up.

Usually, two or three someones.

Are they blind? Surely, they can see a 6,050-pound vehicle that is backing out of a parking place and into their general direction? Can’t they understand that this behemoth weighs a heck of a lot more than they do and that, if it strikes them, they will lose the battle?

My head is swiveling like that of an owl, nearly managing a 360-degree spin while I am trying mightily not to hit anyone who is silly enough to walk behind me as I back out.

Inevitably, some guy pushing a cart with a six-pack in it strolls behind me. Or a woman heading into the store with a baby in the cart and two other kids unattached to the cart or her wanders by. I cannot necessarily see an adult let alone a couple of poppets who are roaming at will. This scenario scares me witless.

I want this woman’s DNA carriers to carry on.

Then there are a tribe of teenagers giggling and jiggling their way into or out of this big box place. We all know teens are invincible—nothing can happen to them.

I am doing my best to make sure it doesn’t but I need their help.

I’ve hit my brakes hard so many times because of these scares that I had to have them replaced far sooner than I should have.

There must be some simple solution. The warning buzzer is not working or all these

people are hard of hearing.

Perhaps I should have a speaker installed in the van so I can announce in a loud voice, “I am about to run over you so I suggest you back up a respectable 24 feet to avoid turning into human jam which would require the services of several emergency responders, to say nothing of a cleanup crew. Comprende? Excellent. We are on the same page. Here I come.”

I am more than happy to give these pedestrians the right of way, but I have to go home sometime. I cannot play tag for hours in parking lots.

If these stores would post warning signs, would they be read? Handicap parking signs appear to be respected. I don’t know if the Pregnant Women Only ones are. Since we can assume there are no pregnant men on the loose, they could probably make smaller signs. Employee of the Month Parking Signs seem to be honored … at least I haven’t parked in one of those spots.

Yes, since many signs are obeyed, let’s see if we could encourage stores and restaurants to post warnings. Let’s think about this.

“IF OUR CAMERAS CATCH YOU WALKING BEHIND VEHICLES BACKING OUT OF PARKING SPACES, YOUR COUPONS WILL BE SUSPENDED.”

I think that would get shoppers’ attentions without going to the dark side and threatening to close down four checkout lanes.

Susan Keezer lives in Adrian. Send your good news to her at lenaweesmiles@gmail.com.

This article originally appeared on The Daily Telegram: Susan Keezer: Too many close calls between van, pedestrians