Kilpatrick reflects on 1-year anniversary of cancer diagnosis

Apr. 13—Last Thursday marked the one-year anniversary of one of Kendra Kilpatrick's worst days.

She's lost dozens of games during her tenure as the Stillwater High girls' basketball coach, but none of those were as painful as the phone call she received on April 8, 2020.

The then 33-year-old was 38 weeks pregnant with her first son — and second child — when she was diagnosed with Stage 3 papillary breast cancer. Minutes later, her 2-year-old daughter, Riley, walked in the room after a nap, bringing energy and laughter to help change the mood.

That's one example of the support Kilpatrick has received during the past 12 months while battling for her life as a mom, wife, coach, teacher and community member. That support has kept her pushing forward during tough times, which still lie ahead as her battle continues more than a year later.

"I've said this before, but if it wasn't for, one, my faith in Christ, and, two, the support of people around me, I couldn't have gone through this process," Kilpatrick said. "I don't know how people who don't have that support can get through this, because it is long and grueling, and it sucks. The support has been huge."

During the past year, Kilpatrick has gone through port chemotherapy, oral chemotherapy and radiation in attempts to become cancer free. She's also been through two surgeries. The first was a lumpectomy, with the second happening last month shortly after the Lady Pioneers' season ended one win shy of their first state tournament in about 15 years.

All the meanwhile, the support has been there in many forms. That includes more than 100 meals made or bought and delivered to Kilpatrick and her family, in addition to gift cards and gas points to help reduce costs for her trips to Oklahoma City.

Some of the biggest support has come through donations of breast milk for her son, Kendall. He's drank donated breast milk for the first year of his life, which has been a blessing for Kilpatrick.

"Kendall hasn't drank milk that hasn't been donated from a mother," Kilpatrick said. "We haven't had to do a single ounce of formula or anything like that. We haven't had to pay a dime for any milk. That has been amazing. It's been awesome that people have reached out and donated, and it's been crazy how far reaching the support has come from. It's been huge from us."

Of course, it hasn't all been easy, but that's where her support system comes in to help. That includes family, friends and administration at Stillwater Public Schools.

"Parts of it have been really tough," Kilpatrick said. "Going through the 16 rounds of chemo and getting to the end of it, hoping to get to normal then, but finding out that it came back were tough moments. I think we've had so many supportive people in the community, our family and through the school and the basketball team.

"The support of those people has been amazing. Every time I start to feel sorry for myself and feel down, I've always had somebody that picks me up really quick and gets me back on the right path. With everything that's been going on, I've always been able to come back pretty quickly and get a positive attitude and mindset."

She continued, saying positive thoughts aren't easy to always have, but she's tried to remain optimistic even during the tough times.

"Having a negative mindset, having doubts and letting things like that creep into your head don't do any good," Kilpatrick said. "I remember telling Ross that one night. I was thinking one night what if God's plan for me is for me to die in order to accomplish something he needs to happen. That's a hard pill to swallow and a hard thing to even think about. I've come to terms with that might be the plan, but I don't know and hopefully won't know for a long time.

"... Acknowledging that and then, OK, I can't dwell on this, because if I dwell on it, it does nothing but be negative for myself and my family. I'm going to do everything that I can to be the best mom, the best wife, the best daughter, coach and teacher that I can while I'm here. That's what I have to take my mindset back to, because I have to make the most of the time I have, whether it's a year or 60 years."

Last week, Kilpatrick reflected on the past year and everything she's been through during her battle with breast cancer. Her year also included some good things like her son's birth, moving into a new home and her most successful season as the Lady Pioneers coach.

But, of course, it's not all been positive. There have been many challenges and tough days to go along with the good, all while living through the COVID-19 pandemic.

"Some parts of it have gone by really fast, but some parts of it have gone by really slow, honestly," Kilpatrick said. "It doesn't seem like it's been a year. It seems like this year has flown by. But, there are some parts that seem like they have dragged on and on and on. My son is about to be a year old and I can't believe that has happened."

One of Kilpatrick's biggest concerns after her diagnosis was the health of her son. Six days after the diagnosis, Kendall Reed Kilpatrick was born healthy.

A year later, he's in good health and growing quickly while keeping his parents busy.

"He's great," Kilpatrick said. "I thank God all the time that I was the one who was sick. You don't understand that until you're a parent. I would take the sickness 100 times over so that my kids don't have to go through it. I praise God that I have two healthy, beautiful children. They are rambunctious and they are into everything and they are a handful, and somedays I wish they would just sit down, but at the end of the day, I am so thankful that they have so much energy and God has blessed them with the abilities they have."

Kendall will celebrate his first birthday on Wednesday. Kilpatrick admitted she's never been big on birthday celebrations, especially for herself after a certain age.

However, that's changed in the past year. Fighting for her life with so much to live for has altered her attitude.

"Once you get past the early 20s, birthdays start being less exciting," Kilpatrick said. "To celebrate every birthday means a lot more now, whether it's my birthday or Kendall's. I've been able to be with him for his entire first year of life, and that's a celebration not just him but also for me that I've been able to be with him for a year. When my birthday comes around, I'm not going to fight it whenever my mom or Ross wants to throw me a birthday party, because it's a celebration and it's a lot different now."

Wednesday will be another busy day for Kilpatrick, in addition to being her son's birthday. She will making her traveling to OKC for another one of her proton radiation treatments.

She has them five days a week — Monday through Friday — in the afternoons. With proton radiation, each patient has their own mold based on the size of the area needed to be treated, and since Kilpatrick is on the largest sized snout, her appointments are between 2:30-4:45 p.m. each day.

"That was kind of a downer," Kilpatrick said. "Not only do I have to drive to Oklahoma City, which I expected, but coming in the afternoon takes away my two favorite things I get to do each day. One is getting to be with my basketball girls. I enjoy that time with them doing offseason workouts. Also, with that later appointment, I'm not getting home as early.

"Basketball season being over, I'm usually headed home by 4 or 4:30, but the other day my appointment was at 4:45, so it was 6:30 before I even got home. That just stinks, because I don't get to see my basketball girls or my kids, so I miss my two favorite things. I have to keep telling myself it's going to be worth it if it helps me to live longer."

She said one good thing about the radiation treatments is her surgeon thinks they got all of the cancer out with the mastectomy last month.

"The surgeon said she got clear margins, which means they were able to get all the way around the mass and there wasn't cancer in any of the tissue on the outside," Kilpatrick said. "They're hoping they got all of the cancer."

However, they wanted to start the radiation almost immediately. She started radiation on April 5 and she will have 33-35 treatments. Thus, Kilpatrick will continue driving to OKC five days a week for the next six weeks.

After the radiation ends, she isn't sure of the next step because her oncologist wants to wait and see what happens with the radiation. Kilpatrick's next step could be nothing at all or it could be immunotherapy, but she won't know until her treatments are done, which will happen around the same time the school year ends.

"Most teachers have their countdown going where it's like seven more weeks," Kilpatrick said last week. "Yeah, seven more weeks, but my countdown is a little different than their countdown."