Women On TikTok Are Sharing The Texts From When The Men They Were Dating Flipped A Switch On Them, And It's Nauseating

·5 min read

Anyone who's been single in the past decade can back me up on this: It is ROUGH out there.

TV Land

^^^Real footage of people avoiding red flags on the dating apps.

I'm not gonna say that dating is harder for women, but when we live in a society where we're constantly being judged by our looks (and are somehow expected to be both chaste AND sexy), it definitely adds a layer of difficulty to finding a genuine partner.

OWN

Over the past couple of years, TikTok has become a platform where people can openly share their dating woes and commiserate. It's typically in the form of a verbal "story time," but sometimes we're lucky (or unlucky) enough to get real-life evidence of terrible behavior through text screenshots. For example, last year a woman went viral for sharing an accidental text from a man she was about to meet up with, where he called her the c-word. And a few months ago, another woman shared a screenshot of a man "accidentally" calling her "a solid 4." The "accidental" part is up for debate because she told BuzzFeed she thought the guy was purposely trying to mess with her.

BBC

In the latest trend that goes along with the song "Piano Man" by Billy Joel, women are sharing the stark contrast between the texts they received from a guy when they first started dating, and the types of messages they got after a few months of seeing each other (or weeks, in some cases). For instance, it only took 11 days for this guy's vibe to shift from "I fucking like you; I haven't felt this way about anyone," to, "I just feel like this is being really rushed, and IDK if I'm ready for it":

A text thread where a guy is saying he hasn't felt this way before
TikTok / kkingerrr
A text that says the person feels like they're being rushed
TikTok / kkingerrr

And this guy somehow jumped from, "You're my person," to, "Leave me the fuck alone":

A text saying that the person was on the texter's mind
TikTok / shaelately
A text that says, "You're my person"
TikTok / shaelately
A text that says, "Leave me tf alone"
TikTok / shaelately

One woman's contribution to the trend was particularly jarring. Cadigan Smith — a 21-year-old student at the University of Michigan — was exclusively seeing a guy for several months, when he texted her out of the blue saying, "Look, I really hope you don't take this the wrong way; I'm just tying to be as honest as possible with you. But I'm just not that attracted to your body, and I feel like if this moves forward, it would be fake. Like, I don't wanna lead you on by talking to a girl I don't get turned on by? You know?"

Cadigan's TikTok where she reacts to the texts
TikTok / cadigansmith

We reached out to Cadigan to get the full picture of what went down, and it's not a good look for mystery man. "He never wanted to officially 'date,' but, at least to my knowledge, we were exclusive and always hung out," Cadigan told BuzzFeed. "That probably should have been a red flag in and of itself, though, because one day he flipped the script saying he wasn't attracted to my body anymore and that we should not be seeing each other anymore in case he could not get hard. Which I would totally be fine with — not everybody has to be/stay attracted to me — we are only human. I am not attracted to every guy. But the precedent he set was that he was very much attracted to me. Additionally, the way in which he worded it was pretty low, especially in his follow-up text, where he said if I'm ever out to 'hit him up.' So, that's what makes me think he was being mean and that was his rather, uh, creative, way of dumping me."

More of Cadigan's TikTok where she reacts to the texts
TikTok / cadigansmith

"I think he wanted to make him dumping me 'my fault,' like I was not good enough for him, and that's the way he went about it," she said. "Because again, if he was authentically unattracted, then he wouldn't ask me to still casually hit him up or offer to hook up ... I responded with basically everything I have laid out here, saying that his story not only didn't make much sense, but also was worded in a very rude fashion. It really was not something worth arguing about, because there is nothing to say that can be redeemed after those comments were made. The way he handled being done with me made me immediately done with him."

VH1

"I decided to share these texts on TikTok, because that sort of behavior is ridiculous," Cadigan told BuzzFeed. "I know a lot of people would take those comments to heart and have it really affect them. I am very privileged to say that I don't struggle with self-image issues and I feel comfortable in my body and who I am. So, I felt like if I put this out there in such a way where I conveyed that he was the problem, not I, then maybe others might take note if something like this ever happens (or happened) to them. Succinctly put, I wanted to advertise not tearing yourself down, even if the person you hold dear says nasty things about you/your appearance. They are the ones who have some fixing to do, not you."

My personal takeaway from Cadigan's story, and this trend in general, is that men need to stop using their words to emotionally manipulate women. If you don't intend on being in a relationship for the long haul, don't lead women on by showering them with sweet nothings. And if you do decide to end things with someone, please have some fucking respect and avoid making degrading comments about their appearance. Capeesh?