Halsey Said That She Often Wonders If She "Chose The Wrong Life" In An Emotional Instagram Story

Ahead of her 28th birthday, Halsey looked back on her life choices via a recent Instagram story.

Halsey at an event
Vivien Killilea / Getty Images for REVOLVE

For context, the singer has long been candid about first being diagnosed with bipolar disorder when they were a teen. They've also had physical health struggles, as they explained a few months ago that they've "been kind of sick most of [their] adult life" — especially after they gave birth to their first child, Ender, last year.

closeup of Halsey
Jesse Grant / Getty Images for Bud Light

"I find that often there is a deep sadness inside me that no amount of worldly pleasure can touch, a loneliness, an emptiness," they began.

closeup of Halsey at an event
Frazer Harrison / Getty Images for The Recording Academy

"I wonder often if I chose the wrong life for myself. And the weight of it is suffocating. I'm sorry that melancholy has penetrated my art in a way that hasn't served a greater purpose other than my own self loathing."

Halsey singing on stage
NBCU Photo Bank via Getty Images

She added that she is "just now exhaling and gasping for air for the first time since I took a single breath in this new life at 18" — potentially a reference to when she started in the music industry, or serious mental health struggles at the time.

Halsey at an event
Rich Polk / Getty Images for iHeartRadio

They continued, "I am wandering lawlessly and I hope to find my way somewhere meaningful soon so that I can give you the guys I've always known to scoop heapings of into your ears. They are shriveling lately. If you cannot be kind, at least be gentle. With love."

Halsey singing on stage
Kevin Mazur / Getty Images for HH

Halsey is currently nearing the end of their Love and Power tour.

The National Alliance on Mental Illness helpline is 1-888-950-6264 (NAMI) and provides information and referral services; GoodTherapy.org is an association of mental health professionals from more than 25 countries who support efforts to reduce harm in therapy.