In a recent post shared to the Reddit community, “Am I the A**hole,” @u/rayzrisme noted how he asked his wife to“take care of [their] newborn during the night hours while she is on maternity leave.” He explained how she got 16 weeks of paid leave from her job, as he’s still working.
“I only asked her that during that 16 week time period that she take care of the baby during the midnight hours while I sleep, since I have to wake [up] for work [Monday through Friday],” he wrote.
The husband said that whenever he’s off from work, he will take on more responsibilities as a father.
“I told her that after I get off work, I will take over entirely,” the post continued. “Do all chores, cook, take care of the baby. Even more so on weekends where I have no issue staying up late, waking up early, or multiple times in the night, [so she can] catch up on all of her needed rest.”
He expressed how on “some nights, even if [he’s] working, [he] will stay up with the baby.” But, his wife wasn’t fond of his proposition.
“She still thinks it’s unfair if it’s not an even split, which I disagree with,” he wrote.
The husband concluded in his post that he wanted Reddit users to be “honest” about if they think he’s an “a**hole” or not.
As of 9 March, the post has over 8,700 upvotes, with many readers in the comments coming to the wife’s defence and noting how caring for a child during the day is a full-time job.
“What exactly is she doing during the day while you’re at work? Daydreaming? Looking after a newborn during the day, alone, is stressful,” a Reddit user wrote. “Man up and help out at night.”
“Parenting isn’t interchangeable,” another said. “Letting your wife have a nap and take a shower is not ‘giving her a break’ it’s ‘allowing her basic needs’ and more men need to understand that.”
“The implication that it is more important for you to be well-rested because your job is more important than hers is gross,” a commenter added. “Just because she is on maternity leave doesn’t mean she isn’t working - she’s working to keep the tiny human you two brought into the world alive!”
On the other hand, some Reddit users agreed with the husband and noted how they sometimes looked after their babies at night during their maternity leaves.
“If you’re taking over everything in the evening and planning to split nights evenly once she’s back to work, that’s a reasonable ask,” a comment reads. “It’s what my husband and I did and it worked well for us. That said, some nights with a newborn are really difficult and if she needs your help, even just emotional support, you better be doing it without any fuss.”
“I’m a stay at home mom. My husband works [Monday through Friday]. I take over during the week so he can sleep,” a commenter shared. “He does the whole weekend. He will get up if I need him but that’s all I ask.”
The Independent has reached out to u/rayzrisme for comment.