Family drama: Parents didn't want child to wear mask at school. Here's how we resolved it.
I am a clinical psychologist in Alabama, where less than half of the population is fully vaccinated for COVID-19. Although children 5 and older are now eligible for vaccinations, mask-wearing remains an important protection from the deadly virus. And, in my state, mask-wearing is a controversial and adversarial issue.
Even within families.
I treat all kinds of individual and family problems. Recently, I saw a family that had a pandemic-related issue that could not be resolved. The 10-year-old daughter was passionate about wanting to wear a mask at her school. Her parents were dead-set against it because they think “all this pandemic talk is just a bunch of overblown nonsense.”
My task was to try to help these family members get on the same page. But more than that, I felt I had a social responsibility to convince the parents that it was in the daughter's best interest and safety to wear a mask at school. Plus, neither parent had been vaccinated, and I saw that as a major problem to be addressed with them as well.
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In my mind, change was needed on two levels: The daughter must be allowed to wear a mask at school, and the parents must agree to get vaccinated as soon as possible.
This was going to be an educational and supportive intervention that had individual, family and community implications. I was tailoring my intervention to the central issues at hand — ones with life-or-death consequences for each of them.
Surprisingly, the mother and father saw me as an expert from the beginning. I thought they would be dismissive of me or undermine me as they had done with our national public health experts. But that did not happen.
They wanted me to give them data, facts and information. They wanted my honest, straightforward perspective. They were going to listen to me, but not to the ever-present Dr. Anthony Fauci.
Once I knew the parents were engaged in the process and had some trust in me, I began to ally myself with the child. She was a bright, verbal girl who had her head on straight about mask-wearing. She was the one who had asked her parents to come see a psychologist. One of her friends had seen a therapist for pandemic-related reasons and recommended that the girl and her parents seek out similar professional help.
Daughter advocated for herself
My alliance with the daughter proved fruitful. She became assertive and even forceful in the sessions. She conveyed impressive reasons why wearing a mask at school is vital: to protect herself, to protect others, to be a role model for younger peers, to be overly careful at a scary time, to avoid infection from unvaccinated teachers.
Her parents listened to her and valued her thoughts. They were impressed with her powerful plea to allow her to wear a mask at school. They seemed to genuinely understand her fears and her adult-like reasoning.
At the same time, I decided to confront the mother and father about their politicized, distorted positions about the pandemic and the vaccines. They were Republicans who downplayed the pandemic to show devotion and loyalty to their political party. They were bombarded with misinformation on the internet as well.
I gave the parents facts and accurate information. I gently challenged their belief system while maintaining a good therapeutic alliance with them. I tried not to criticize or belittle them. Because they valued me, they listened. Because they trusted me, they ultimately changed their views.
Family resolved the conflict
It took five sessions to help this family. The parents allowed their daughter to wear a mask at school. And both of them promised they would get vaccinated.
A deadly pandemic can create disagreement and conflict in a family. Children can be incredibly smart and proactive even when their parents are not. A professional helper can be impactful if he or she is perceived as an empathetic expert. And emotional divisions in a family can be healed rather quickly if members are open to change and resolution.
Life-saving changes were made by this family. An intervention well worth it.
Alan D. Blotcky is a clinical psychologist in private practice in Birmingham, Alabama.
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This article originally appeared on USA TODAY: COVID precautions: How family resolved dispute about masks and vaccine
