David Trinko: Seeing mothers the way we see them
May 8—All we can see are the areas where she shines. All she sees is where she thinks she let us down.
My quirky 12-year-old joked she's there whenever she needs her, 95% of the time. In her low moments, she questions if she's even there for 5% of our lives.
The only thing we can all agree on is their mother loves them completely, as we celebrate Mother's Day this weekend.
I never stop marveling at the abilities of mothers. They always find time for others, often at the expense of themselves. They balance their work and families in a way that looks flawless from the outside.
There's no doubt there's a double standard when it comes to women and men when it comes to parenting. As a man, people focus on what you do as a father. As a woman, she's subjected to an unfair focus on what she doesn't do as a mother.
I don't know if it's nature or nurture, but it saddens me to see the way some women are convinced they're in constant competition. There's a concern about making sure you're making enough healthy, homemade food for school snacks, to being able to construct that perfect costume, to keeping all the times, dates and needs all in order.
It's overwhelming for a mere man to fathom.
I hope the mothers out there can at least take this annual holiday to stop thinking about the ways they've fallen short of some unachievable goal and instead see them the way their families see them.
We see your strength. In our case, she's the boss at work, and she's the boss at home. She's a force of nature that keeps us from remaining stagnant.
We see your sensitivity. We notice how our highs and lows affect your mood. We should include you in more of the positives and fewer of the negatives, since you're always there for us.
We see your brilliance. You find innovative solutions to our problems, both ordinary and difficult.
We see your resolve. When you decide something's happening, it's happening. In my wife's case, she's somehow crammed in papers and classes for her master's degree in a world where I don't even think I have enough time to trim my beard.
We see your love. For all you've accomplished, your proudest accomplishment is holding our family together. In our case, your passion for caring for children moved us toward the adoption of our newest child in the past year.
We see you are, and we love you as you are. We wish you'd stop looking at yourself through a funhouse mirror, exaggerating your flaws and weaknesses. You are, through it all, a mother, and we're grateful to have your beautiful gift in our lives.
David Trinko is managing editor of The Lima News. Reach him at 567-242-0467, by email at dtrinko@limanews.com or on Twitter @Lima_Trinko.
