Daddy Days: Things that are unacceptable to kids

I think I’ve lived among youngsters long enough to state the following findings and assertions with credibility. I’m not saying I am to toddlers and children what Jane Goodall is to chimpanzees or anything, but I’ve taken some notes and would like to offer some contributions to this ongoing study.

There’s an extremely rigid if not formal understanding among children about what is and is not acceptable. No one teaches this to kids, they just instinctively know. To be clear, I’m not talking about appropriate behavior. This absolutely DOES have to be taught. Kids' instincts are to run naked across the front yard and you’ve got to reel that in.

I’m talking about various kid-to-kid interactions and the understood lines in the sandbox all of child-dom recognizes.

To wit: a child should never call a 3- to 6-year-old a baby. It’s as insulting as any name angry adults trade. There was a commotion in the next room where the 3-year-old and 5-year-old were playing and I heard the 3-year-old intensely declare, “I’m NOT a baby, I’m a brother!” One thing I knew for certain was both boys in that room knew a line had been crossed.

A younger sibling does not get a later bedtime than an older sibling. Getting sent to bed early is one thing, but a standing practice where a younger kid stays up later is absolute crazy talk in the kids world. You know what the real cause of all the trouble in "Lord of the Flies" was? The “littleuns” had a later bedtime than the “biguns”.

It’s the same thing for dessert servings. Under no circumstance can a younger brother get a larger serving of pie, cake, cookie or brownie. There are multiple other examples that fall into the category of the younger siblings having less privileges than the older ones. It’s a clear line and one I don’t recommend crossing. I’m telling you, this is the stuff domestic mutinies are made of.

Kids have a clear understanding of property rights, especially in regard to presents. Everyone knows if a brother gets a new toy, he gets to use it first. No matter how badly they want to play with it they defer to the kid who just received the gift for his birthday.

Kids also know you don’t unwrap another kid's gift. An important detail here for parents: this applies to both the gift-wrapped present and also the container the gift is packaged in. A baby brother may need help and that’s one thing, but jump in and grab a gift to “open it for” an older brother and that kid will be convicted in the court of children's opinion as soon as the package is opened.

So take this advice or leave it. I don’t know anything about Goodall’s studies amongst the chimps and you don’t know how rigorous my research has or hasn't been amongst the toddlers. However, if you set your older kid’s bedtime before a younger’s, just don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Harris and his wife live in Pflugerville with their six sons. Please email comments or suggestions for future columns to thoughtsforcaleb@gmail.com.

This article originally appeared on Austin American-Statesman: Daddy Days: Things that are unacceptable to kids