Coping with COVID Loss: Hospice hosting support group for those grieving death of loved ones from the virus

Mar. 6—More than six months after losing her husband to COVID-19, Angie Anderson still carries guilt with her.

Anderson often replays the moment prior to her husband, Terry Anderson, being admitted to Owensboro Health Regional Hospital on July 12, 2020, after testing positive for COVID-19 two days earlier.

"...I think there's a lot of guilt, which somebody who's not been through it might not understand," Anderson said. "But you have guilt; feeling like you should've been there; things that you should've done. For me, I was scared to kiss Terry bye the last time I saw him ... just before he was admitted to the hospital. I wish I had. I wish I had not been so scared."

On Aug. 25, 2020 — 44 days after entering the hospital — Terry Anderson died from the virus. He was 59 years old and didn't have any diagnosed health problems that would've suggested he'd be vulnerable to the virus. However, he became septic and the virus destroyed his lungs.

Anderson, who was married to her husband for nearly 20 years, is trying to cope with his death.

Helping her and others now through their mourning process is the COVID-19 Loss: Grief Group sponsored by Hospice & Palliative Care of Western Kentucky.

Caleb Potter, Hospice's bereavement coordinator, credited Anderson for inspiring him to create the COVID-19 grief support group.

"I performed Terry's funeral service and I was just close with the family throughout that process; we prayed for him at my church," Potter said. "So that was the closest touch of anyone that I knew of, who was a friend, and who had been so terribly impacted by COVID."

Although Potter said it's common for Hospice to host grief support sessions with family members who have lost loved ones, this is the first one that specifically targets a cause of death.

"In grief counseling, they train you not to hyphenate different types of loss, so as not to put people in specific classes in accordance with the type of loss they've had," Potter said. "That's because you try not to create any kind of scale like this type of loss is worse than this type of loss. So you feel like you're trying to negate one another by trying to score whose loss was a worse type."

But the exception with COVID-19, Potter said, is the controversy that the virus has created within the United States.

"It's just been such a polarizing issue and it's very nuanced," Potter said. "People who have had a loved one die from COVID ... they seem to be grieving very differently than folks who have maybe lost a loved one to cancer or heart failure. And that's because the death of their loved one has been so hyper-politicized. ...So people don't feel like their loss is being validated maybe as it should be."

To date, more than 510,000 deaths have been attributed to COVID-19 in the United States, which is more than any country in the world. And as of Thursday, there have been 159 Daviess County residents who have died from COVID-19.

Anderson, a former Hospice nurse, said most families can be at the bedside of their loved one who's dying or battling an illness, but that hasn't been the case with COVID patients who were only allowed phone calls or virtual communication.

Anderson added that social media has only intensified her family's pain with people vilifying those who supported wearing masks and other safety protocols during the pandemic.

"I think we're a group all our own," said Anderson about being a person who's lost a loved one to COVID. "...Over 500,000 deaths and people still don't want to take this seriously. ...Nobody makes fun of somebody who's lost someone to heart disease or to cancer. They all take them very seriously. COVID is not a joke."

The COVID-19 Loss: Grief Group will meet every Monday in March from 5 to 6:30 p.m. at Hospice's administrative offices at 3419 Wathens Crossing. Due to COVID-19 restrictions, there is a capacity of 10 group members, which includes the bereavement facilitator.

Anyone who wants to join the group can call 270-316-9112 to reserve a spot each week.

"In the event that we are just overwhelmed and the need seems to be there to go beyond one month, then we are prepared to do that," Potter said.

Don Wilkins, dwilkins@messenger-inquirer.com, 270-691-7299

Don Wilkins, dwilkins@messenger-inquirer.com, 270-691-7299