Conservative pundits do not like it when the Mouse Woman wears pants

·2 min read
Next she’ll be asking for equal pay.
Next she’ll be asking for equal pay.

Mere days after an already exhausted nation was forced to begin judging the Green M&M based on her credentials instead of her inarguably smokin’ hot physique, the woke corporate overlords responsible for such Orwellian censorship as admitting the story of Snow White could (maybe, possibly) use some modernization are now forcing their mouse-woman into pants.

Conservatives refuse to stay silent on the matter. “No more,” the pundits wailed into Wednesday’s wintry evening airtime. “Not the Rat Lady. We draw the cultural line at the sexpot rodentess.”

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Champions of virtue and class seen next to the mouse lady.
Champions of virtue and class seen next to the mouse lady.

“Let me just tell you...it goes back to what they did with the M&M’s and now they are making [Ms. Mouse Person] more masculine,” they warned us during a major news network’s show. We choose not to name anyone involved in the primetime segment, because we are sure they shrieked their concerns about a human-sized girl mouse wearing pants out of pure concern for America’s wellbeing, and not due to any kind of manufactured outrage.

“They are trying to destroy the fabrics of our society pretending that there are issues,” the guest commentator continued without a trace of irony. “This is so everybody looks over here... don’t look at inflation... the world is going forward because we have got her in a pantsuit.”

The new, socially cancerous attire was designed by Stella McCartney in honor of a Paris theme park’s 30th anniversary, and is scheduled to only be worn by the Mouse Woman in France for the month of March, after which time she will presumably be allowed to return to her proper, gendered skirt just as God intended.

Thank you, conservative allies, for bringing attention to the Mouse Chick’s filthy, filthy pantsuit.

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