Coalition Corner Stacey Karchner A mother's journey leads to passion for helping other families

May 8—I was clueless about addiction. I had not been educated nor had I experienced anyone in my family growing up who struggled with using substances.

So, when my daughter was struggling with alcohol abuse in college and many crazy things were happening, I was acting, being and speaking in ways that were contributing to the addiction/substance use.

I believed if she could just be strong and get her priorities straight, things would be fine. I now know that it is a powerful disease that hijacks (changes) the brain, and once the brain is hijacked the choice is gone as is the moral compass. The symptoms of the disease such as lying and manipulating were hard to deal with and not take personally.

At an event recently, a girl shared with me that she and three of her friends went out into the woods when they were 13 and each chugged gulps of whiskey. Shortly after, the four of them were crying and vomiting. As this was happening her three friends claimed "they never wanted to do that again," while she said, "that was the greatest feeling I have ever had and can't wait to feel that way again," and hence later she become a heroin user. Her brain felt the experience an entirely different way. This is why some are more prone.

When my daughter went to treatment, I stepped out of the silence and shame and began going to a support group. The group was helpful but wasn't enough for me, because I was still doing the same things over and expecting different results. The definition of insanity.

My worry, fear and insanity increased as my son failed at college and became addicted to substances. I went through times when I didn't know where he was and had to visualize handing him to God in a nice white warm blanket so I could fall asleep.

I was still attending a support group, but never learned new tools to change my own hijacked brain, which believed it could fix and control. I was living in a constant hyper- vigilant state and that was not healthy. If I was not calm and thinking straight, then I was not of much help.

When my son was in his sixth treatment facility and my daughter was in early recovery, I was introduced to the BALM (Be A Loving Mirror) Family Recovery Program.

BALM evolved around the fact that those with substance use disorder are human beings and deserving of love just as any other person.

That program ended up being one of the biggest blessings in my life.

The BALM is a comprehensive one-year 24/7 curriculum based online. Research shows when the family gets well, the loved one has a much better chance of getting and staying well. I was part of the problem and part of the solution.

I was not powerless. Good news was that I could contribute to their recovery, although that did not guarantee it. Ultimately, it was their journey. I learned I did not cause it, I could not control it and I could not cure it, but I did have power in the tone I spoke, the leverage I used, the boundaries I set, my attitude and my behavior.

I learned how to respond and not react. I learned new ways to act, be and speak without the anger and judgment. BALM brought me calm and hope. As long as there is life, there is hope.

BALM had such a profound effect on me and in turn my children's recovery, that I chose to take the facilitator training so I could get the program to families sooner than I was able to get it for myself and my family. Many families are at their wits' end and do not know what to do. As a BALM coach, I help them learn what to do and instill hope.

BALM tools helped me not only in my relationships with my children, but also in all relations. I have been a BALM Family Recovery Life coach for 41/2 years, and I enroll families in the yearlong program and coach them one on one.

In addition, I am certified to teach "a taste" of the program in eight weeklong courses, made up of 12 lessons. The eight-week courses are free in multiple counties, including Cambria, due to sponsorship from Behavioral Health Organization of Cambria County, the health choices oversight entity for the county.

I also am involved with the Cambria County Drug Coalition and support all it strives for, such as prevention education, breaking the stigma linked to addiction and eliminating the impact of that substance use disorder has on the whole community.

Together, we are committed to making positive change and lasting positive impact.

Stacey Karchner is a Be A Loving Mirror (BALM) family recovery life coach.