39 Tweets From The Last Two Weeks That Are So Funny, I Almost Pissed My Pants Laughing
Somehow, half of May is already behind us. Even though we still have quite some time until the end of the month, there have already been some hilarious gems on Twitter. Here are some of the funniest tweets from this month:
And follow the accounts that made you laugh so your Twitter timeline will be even better!
1.
“I was born in 2007” sounds fake af nobody is born that late bro
2.
My landlord just told me rent is going up by a lot
3.
At a straight bar and a girl asked if I was interested in buying her a drink … ma’am.
4.
lana was really 27 saying pick me up after school… GIRL GO TO WORK
5.
Just heard a woman yell “noooo my phone” from inside a porta potty. Wishing her nothing but the best.
6.
me to myself
7.
At my funeral, take the bouquet off my coffin and throw it into the crowd to see who is next.
8.
insane tweet. 😭
9.
missing the era where popstars would perform any and every song any and everywhere. ariana performing bang bang on the fuckin country music awards JDJZBXJZHX
10.
What if I flop? Oh, my darling, what if you slay
11.
Comedians when the have to film a special
12.
13.
Every time someone on here goes "y'all are overreacting, the Republicans arent banni-" some legislator in Missouri rolls up his sleeves and gets ready to write the craziest law you've ever heard
14.
15.
me every morning checking twitter like the daily paper
16.
Mind you they were in high school and not working in an office
17.
it’s my first hot girl summer, do i start with swallowing tequila or kids? 😭
18.
*guy who forgot the word non-binary* yeah they use they/them pronouns. i think they.. ah what’s the word…. they don’t believe in the two-party system
19.
stop tryna make deodorant organic. y’all need the aluminum
20.
my god..
21.
Daddy said growing up in the coal mines, one year for Xmas he got a toothbrush, the next year he got a bike, times were so unpredictable! I heard that story for years, finally relayed it to my grandma. She said, "Tell your dad he got his bike the year we got the goddamn union."
22.
accidentally said “medium” at Starbucks and the barista started crying at the register because they were so understaffed
23.
at work today i served a little girl some ice cream, and her mom says “honey, what do u say?” And she looks me dead in the eyes and says “I love u” 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
24.
did it hurt? when the writers of your favorite tv show ruined it
25.
I took one of my students phone and put it in my drawer. 10 min later, I see her on the phone again I’m like ???? she gon say “you just like my mom. y’all love a lil drawer” LITTLE GIRL LMFAOOOOOOO
26.
My mom making me come say hi to somebody I “knew” as a baby
27.
in college i got dumped in front of a student tour group. 2020 got dumped in a covid testing line. this week at a party some1 was taking a pic on my phone & announced i got a txt: the guy i’m seeing is hooking up with some1 else. how many villain origin stories can 1 person have?
28.
i miss him (the worst person i’ve ever met)
29.
the key to job security is making sure people are obsessed with your vibe
30.
don’t invite me to yo crib if yo floors gone season da bottom of my feet
31.
oui oui yesterday i had little croissant and too much coffee and so i had a … how you say … panique attaque
32.
(crying) whats the move
33.
finding out the person you like is a loser is the worst type of gender reveal
34.
I think the funniest assembly I ever went to in high school was when they brought in this former crack addict to warn us about the dangers of smoking crack but it was super obvious how much he missed smoking crack
35.
haven’t gone back to the gym since i kept using my phone and someone asked me if it’s fingers day
36.
I want a baby so we can do things together
37.
You think a man with dangly earrings is gon build you a HOUSE?!
38.
mfs was having sex at 13 and I was tryna figure out what 8/7 central meant on disney channel
39.
i love that when british people sing they cut out all that bullshit
