31 Shocking Things Married People Actually Hate About Their Spouses
We recently asked married people of the BuzzFeed Community to tell us what they secretly dislike about their spouse. Here are the shocking results:
1."My husband really wanted a child, and we struggled for years to have one. I finally got pregnant in 2020, and our daughter was born in 2021. He has turned out to be the worst father imaginable. His routine hasn't changed whatsoever. He doesn't get up with her in the middle of the night. He doesn't feed or bathe her. He doesn't even know where one of her sitters lives. He spends no time with her or me and gets irate when parenting messes with anything he wants to do.
"He does nothing around the house but complains when it's a mess. We both have full-time jobs, and while he works longer hours than I do, he acts like I don't have a job at all. I'm a married single mom, and I hate him for making me one."
—34, Pennsylvania
2."I do not like the fact that he loves animals. He really loves them, but the novelty wears off, and I end up taking over 90% of the responsibility; he's like the cool uncle that comes by for a pet and cuddle, then leaves. We have two snakes, two cats, and a dog, and it can be exhausting when you have that many to take care of — essentially by yourself. He does try, but then goes back into his old habit of NOT doing anything or doing the bare minimum.
"I have to talk him out of his 'want' list at least twice a month, and usually, it ends with, 'Oh, ANOTHER animal I have to take care of? Sweet.' That shuts him right up."
3."My spouse is terrible with money. We make a decent living, and I pay all of the bills in the house: cars, house, etc. My wife, for the most part, will buy groceries and meals from time to time when we eat out. She has an incredible job and makes more than the median household income on her own. But it seems like she’s ALWAYS going broke and doesn’t know where the money went.
"I’m constantly handing over my money (even though my expenses that I offered to pay are significantly higher). I get I make more money, but you have no responsibility outside of your own credit cards and groceries!"
—35, California
4."I have anxiety, and while my panic attacks are usually under control since I started taking medication, they still happen occasionally. My husband has no idea what to do during them, so he just leaves me alone, which is the opposite of what I need. I love him — he’s great in every other way, and he's a wonderful dad to our son — but I really wish he’d make an effort here.
"It’s a moment where I really need him, but I’ve long since learned to just deal with it on my own."
5."I adore my husband so much — he’s the love of my life, and we've been married for 6 years, together 11 years — but he snores like a big brass band. He won’t do much about it; he’ll wear a nose strip, but it’s clear they don’t work. He just lies on his back snoring so loudly that I find sleep really hard. Sometimes, I wanna throw things at him (I may have done THAT at some point). I’ve encouraged him to go to a sleep clinic, but he just won’t do it. He’s scared they’d make him have some operation or something, so he won’t do it.
"I hate sending him off to the couch, but sometimes, I have to just to get some sleep!"
6."During the early days of Facebook, she reconnected with a guy from high school. She denies it, but after reading texts and posts, they were CLEARLY planning to get physical. On the surface, we've moved on, but I still harbor a lot of resentment. Mainly because to this day, despite all of the evidence, she says they were never planning to get sexual. Just be honest — it allows closure."
—52, Illinois
7."My husband’s Norman Bates-style relationship with his mother!!! I wish I could write a book about it, but to make a long story short, they are always hugging and playing around physically to the point where if you are in the room with them, you get super uncomfortable. They are 100% in love with each other, I swear. He’s 43; she’s almost 60. It’s disgusting."
—42, United States
8."When we got married, we split household duties along 'traditional' lines — wife does the inside, husband does the outside. Within a couple years, I wanted to renegotiate once I realized I worked all year round, and he only worked during yard care season. He declined. I find it disgusting that he has no guilty conscience, no shame, in sitting around while I do all the meal planning, shopping, cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc. His lame reason for being unwilling to clean the bathroom is 'I did that when I worked at a gas station,' which was over 25 years ago.
"It especially grates on me that he complains about how much time I spend doing housework! (Gee, if he did part of it, I’d have more free time to spend with him!)"
—65, United States
9."I can’t stand how much he tried to manipulate me. My spouse has a bad tendency of doing something he shouldn’t have that leads to consequences. Somehow, he will turn it on me and say it’s my fault or try to make me feel guilty as if I am responsible fully or partly, even though it has nothing to do with me.
"He also complains about how he never gets a minute to himself from the kids, even though I am the one who primarily watches them and needs more time alone. So frustrating, isn’t it?!"
—25, Rhode Island
10."My husband is constantly biting his nails. It is a disgusting habit — thinking where his hands have been and then constantly putting them in his mouth after that. It really turns me off completely. It may end up being the straw that breaks the relationship."
—Anonymous, United States
11."She's cut me off from people I was close to before we married (ex-stepchildren who are now grown and their kids). She gets upset if I send birthday presents to my niece's and nephew's kids, so I have to hide that."
—72, Arizona
12."He's become an entirely different person. Ever since our son was born, he has become extremely selfish and narcissistic. He prioritizes his wants and happiness over all else, and parenting strategies we discussed prior to getting pregnant go out the window for his own convenience."
—32, United States
13."We've been married 12 years and have two kids, and he can't remember our kids' schedule. Every week — and I mean every week — he calls me and will ask where I am. I say I'm in the car, he asks why, and I say, 'I'm picking up Kid A from band,' and he goes, 'Ooohhh,' as though this is brand new. Really, sir? I usually tell him things when they are about to happen and simply say don't make plans for X day. Then, when it's time to go, I give directions and say drive. I've learned telling him anything in advance is a waste of my time and will also get me upset when he looks at me blankly as though he was never told.
"Otherwise, he is a lovely husband."
—37, New Jersey
14."She cannot resist interrupting me. We can talk for hours with no issues, but if we disagree on something, she can’t stop herself from cutting me off. I could just try explaining why I think the way I do, and she will jump in mid-sentence and say I’m wrong. Then, she blames me for taking too long explaining. It doesn’t happen every time, but when she starts, she physically cannot stop herself. I’ve learned to just walk away until she calms down. It’s not worth the annoyance."
—33, Texas
15."He desperately seeks attention and approval from other women. It’s embarrassing (sometimes showing up their spouses), but it also makes me feel I’m not enough. And of course, he refuses to stop."
—49, Barbados
16."My husband thinks he’s entitled to more than what he has. He is never satisfied and always unhappy. When others have good things happen to them, he is resentful and wonders why it hasn’t happened for him. This leads to his being suspicious of others, and when something does go his way, he is sure others are jealous of him. It’s maddening and sad. I see the world as a glass half full, and he sees it half empty. Unfortunately, it may doom our marriage because it’s affecting our children now."
—38, Michigan
17."The fact my wife claims and is known to be very organized, but at home, she's quite the opposite. When she uses something, she hardly ever puts it back. Zero tidiness. Recently, I cleared a big space on my side of our walk-in closet and placed her clothes there that she'd just pile up in the bedroom for the last 18 to 20 months. I told her she might need the extra space (although I knew that was not the reason) and wanted to give up that area for her."
—41, Texas
18."I dislike that I have to fight with him to pick family first. He's a people-pleaser, but it tends to lean more to the work side of his life than the home side. When he's here, he's a good husband and father, but if someone even hints he might be needed at work, he's off to fix their problems — no matter how busy the household is."
—34, United States
19."His unwillingness to treat our home with reasonable care. He won’t do basic foot care, which means his dry, cracked feet rip the bed sheets. He says, 'Just get new ones.' I ask that he uses doorknobs/handles instead of pushing on the woodwork (causing scratches and worn areas). He says, 'Doesn’t look bad to me.' I ask that he keep his slippers only for indoor use, to help keep the carpet clean. He says, 'Just get the rugs cleaned.'
"I know he didn’t see this behavior as an example growing up. It mystifies me."
—60, United States
20."I dislike that my hubby is so guarded on life. He had sort of a rough upbringing and has such a big heart, but he's been hurt by so many that he's helped or tried to get close to, and it's made him guarded toward others. People always take and never give, it seems. He has friends, but no, like, ride-or-die friend — he won’t let his guard down enough for that. I wish he had a close buddy, a confidant, a true best friend to hang with."
—33, Texas
21."That he keeps talking! I know it's horrible of me, but as someone who appreciates silence and only talks when there is something of importance to say, I hate that he can talk so much! Worst is in the morning when I just wake up, there he is yapping away — before my morning coffee, even! It's so overwhelming that sometimes, I just zone out."
—42, Malaysia
22."My husband is so incredibly passive. If someone slights him, he doesn’t stand up for himself. If our kids have moments where they need correction, he doesn’t want to make them uncomfortable by correcting them. If service is atrocious and he gets the wrong order, he won’t say anything. If someone is rude to me, he expects me to handle it graciously when I really have no problem telling someone off. If grandparents clearly cross a boundary and do something we don’t agree with, he won’t say anything. He is the ultimate 'nice guy' to the point that it’s a detriment to himself and obviously a huge turnoff to me.
"He doesn’t stand up for anything. No exaggeration. In five years, I’ve literally never seen him stand up for something."
—37, Texas
23."I met my husband when I was 17. We have been through A LOT. College, moving across states (twice), two kids, one miscarriage, emergency room visits, emergency surgeries, injuries, money problems, and so much more stuff that happens day to day. I love him immensely, but he says he thinks he is a bad person. I don’t know why he says this. Our kids think he is great. He is a great father and husband. I ask him not to say things like this because it is self-destructive and unfair.
"I wouldn't have stayed with him if he were a bad person. I can't imagine my life without him."
—38, New Mexico
24."Although he is a great guy with a heart of gold and treats me with much respect and care, he is a messy hoarder. It gets exhausting for me to keep up with moving the junk out of the house while he's gone. And there's so much of it, he never even notices what I got rid of! I am a neat freak minimalist, and this has caused me a lot of anxiety over the years."
—59, Georgia
25."She has never verbally apologized for anything. She will say something hurtful, and her apology is usually she'll buy me something like animal cookies, which I love, or my favorite dinner."
—62, Illinois
26."He's a jerk, which is bad enough in and of itself, but he has cultivated his jerkiness to a-hole proportions. EVERYTHING is an affront to him. Doesn't matter if it affects him directly; he just starts 'giving his opinion.' When I met him, he was sweet and funny and fun, but somewhere along the line, he decided it has to be HIS way and screw everyone else. If/when he has a medical emergency, he'd better hope his phone is near him because there's a pretty strong chance I'd just watch him die."
—65, Wisconsin
27."He constantly 'mansplains.' He doesn't realize how arrogant he sounds when he does this. If I am working on a project, he will offer unsolicited advice, and it completely saps my motivation. For instance, if I'm gardening, he will ask me if I've thought through plant placement or soil amendment. I don't give him advice on his woodworking projects. Why does he think I want his opinion on my hobbies? It gets to the point where I sometimes pretend to have my earphones turned on when I don't. I just can't stand to hear his constant drivel and advice.
"Instead, I would love it if he would engage in meaningful conversation about things I actually care about, but even when he tries to do that, he sounds like an arrogant blowhard."
—58, Minnesota
28."My spouse is horrible with finances, to the extent that we have never shared a joint account for the decade we have been together, because he would likely drain it dry. He cannot curb his compulsive buying — despite supposedly recognizing that he needs to save money, not just me, so we can eventually buy a house."
—29, New Jersey
29."I hate my husband’s constant negativity. He’s a Debbie Downer with a dad bod and constantly complains about everything. It’s windy outside? He hates life. The cabinet knob is loose? Our house is trash. I didn’t clear the minutes off the microwave? I’m a horrible person who never listens. He made a joke, and I didn’t laugh? I’m condescending. Speck of food on a fork in the drawer? I’ve completely failed at doing the dishes. He’s not sarcastic; he’s hateful.
"It’s been five years, and his attitude is sucking out my soul. If we didn’t have a child, I’d be long gone."
—33, Oklahoma
30."We have a blended family, and she is constantly putting her kids before me. I understand that she will fiercely protect them, but can I be number one in her life, just sometimes?"
—54, Missouri
And lastly...
31."My husband has been diagnosed with military disability and uses it for every excuse to not do anything. He sits on the couch, plays video games, and watches TV from when he gets up in the morning 'til he goes to bed. I’m not saying that he doesn’t have problems, but he doesn’t do anything with our teenage children, and we barely talk at all. We go days without saying anything to each other. After 14 years of marriage, I am so unhappy and just want my marriage to be over.
"I do the housework, and if I ask him to cook, you would think the world was over — it’s such a major problem for him. He does have trouble dealing with people, but I can’t stay like this forever. I like doing things, going to flea markets, carnivals, amusement parks, etc., and it’s not worth it to even ask if he wants to go because he always shuts down or causes a scene. He has threatened to make my life miserable if I leave, but it’s affecting my kids, and I don’t want them to think this is what marriage is like — because I know it’s not."
—59, Pennsylvania
Married people, can you relate to these? What's something you secretly dislike about your spouse (or something you would change about your marriage)? Let us know in the comments below.
Note: Some responses have been edited for length and/or clarity.
