29 Hilarious Tweets By B.J. Novak (Who Is As Obsessed With His Phone As The Rest Of Us)
You know B.J. Novak — he was, of course, Ryan on The Office (when he wasn't writing for the show), but also wrote the hit children's book The Book with No Pictures and created the current FX on Hulu show The Premise.
NBC
And you may have recently seen that wild story about how a photo of B.J. was accidentally deemed public domain, and brands overseas started putting his face on random products, lol.
Well, when B.J. isn't doing all of that, he's on Twitter where he's known to be A) really funny, and B) maybe a little snarky. Here are some of his best tweets:
1.
“Did you unsubscribe by accident?” Just take the L
2.
My dad, a Canadian: “I can’t believe Americans turned a single meal into a five day holiday”
3.
Yes, based on the first paragraph of this article I clicked, I believe I shall subscribe to this publication
4.
If you give me food in a container you will never get the container back, I don’t care if it is diamond encrusted Tupperware that has been in your family for generations
5.
My phone can hold twenty hours of podcasts I forgot to erase but apparently not more than about six voicemails at the same time
6.
Love Valentine’s Day, love New Year’s Eve, love taking the SATs, just love high pressure situations and extreme expectations in general
7.
If you want two men to have a heart to heart just put a microphone in front of them and tell them it’s a podcast
8.
Don’t you love when the other person checks their phone and you’re like “don’t mind if I do”
9.
Sun Chips should have Vitamin D. That’s all I have to contribute to the world today
10.
My Delta flight is less than an hour which I believe means there will be a single unbroken stream of announcements
11.
“Welcome to our house. Here are the four nearly identical giant remote controls for the TV. This one has the power button, this one changes channels, this one is for volume, and this one we don’t know what it does”
12.
Dogs should judge the dog show
13.
Plastic straws are wasteful. Paper straws are, too. Aluminum straws are expensive. But I know this much: we need some sort of tubing system
14.
I will watch Squid Game when I watch Squid Game
15.
“I won’t tell you their name, but it rhymes with…” - has this ever been used sincerely, as a real attempt to protect someone’s privacy? If so, that’s an odd choice
16.
I am sad to announce that my online fishing supply store, https://t.co/LJnA17JAeM, will be closing down after months of confusion and low sales
17.
I want a feature on my phone that tells me the last time I touched it so I can know how much sleep I got
18.
I've decided to give up drinking for the rest of the night
19.
It felt wonderful to be asked “how are you feeling?” this morning before I realized this was our production’s COVID coordinator and this was mandatory question
20.
Why is “coffeehouse” music so soft & gentle? Shouldn’t it be trying to get you AMPED
21.
Not to go all Kanye, but: pepper doesn’t deserve to be on every restaurant table next to salt
22.
Do you ever break a plate at a restaurant just because you need applause
23.
Remember to wash your hands with soap and water for twenty seconds. And, before biting an apple, rub it briefly on the shirt you’ve been wearing all day
24.
Siri is a misinformation campaign to make us not afraid of artificial intelligence because it is so staggeringly incompetent
25.
Kids: skip your summer reading. No one is going to check. Read whatever you want
26.
I’m on my phone 16 hours a day? Great, that means I’m getting a solid 8 hours sleep
27.
Dentists are obsessed with teeth
28.
The world may not revolve around you, but the moon does
29.
Um, this feels personal
Very funny, B.J. — and I gotta say, I love how open you are about being as obsessed with your phone as we are!
Keep sharing the funny tweets, my good man!
