25 People Who Used The English Language To Be Total Freaking Smartasses

BuzzFeed
·4 min read
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1.This person who got tired of answering the same questions on job interviews, so they printed up these cards to hand out when asked the old chestnut, "What's your greatest strength?"

My ability to anticipate

2.This teacher who got unflinchingly real with any potential car thieves:

Car sign: I'm a teacher with 4 jobs; please break into a Tesla instead"

3.The roommate of Isaac who — after Isaac started getting a lot of action — put up a survey for Isaac's bedmates to fill out for "quality assurance/quality improvement":

"Isaac's post-coital survey" sign, including a 1–10 "satisfaction" question

4.This cold weather graffiti artist who does things a little differently:

Graffiti asking what kind of paint they're using to paint over the words 'cause it's too cold for latex

5.This guy who decided to get ahead of any suggestions he was compensating for something with this big truck:

"Yup, it's small" text in the rear windshield

6.These parents who were annoyed that their kids weren't cleaning their bathroom, so they put this note under a rag on the floor to see if their kids would ever find it. (That was a week ago, so the pot's down to $43.)

Handwritten note dated 1/17/23 saying congrats for finding the note and they've won $50, but $1 will be subtracted for each day after the date of the note

7.And the parents who put up this hilariously sarcastic sign to keep their kids safe:

5 extremely slow children playing, with "5" in a red circle

8.This frustrated girlfriend who pointedly updated her "Live, Laugh, Love" sign:

"3178 days together and we're still not engaged"

9.This student who — after people kept leaving poop stains on the toilet seats of their dorm (yay, college!) — took it upon themself to say NO MORE:

"I will not leave skidmarks on the toilet" written repeatedly by Bart Simpson

10.This undoubtedly British office worker whose screensaver looks a lot like your typical Windows error message...but the text is most definitely NOT your typical Windows error message:

Sad emoji with "Your fucking PC ran into, let's call that 'a problem,' why? Because fuck you, that's why; we're showing you this screen while we order some quality cocaine off the dark web with your credit card"

11.These fast-food workers who were absolutely exhausted from dealing with all of us numbnuts:

Can I get Uhhhhh

12.And these bartenders who, I think, we've annoyed even more:

Handwriting on blackboard describing optional upcharges at bar's discretion, including $2 for claiming you know the owner, $5 for ordering without being acknowledged, and $10 for whistling or snapping fingers for service

13.This mom who ingeniously used her label-maker to keep her kids away from her treats:

Half a pie with "Vegan" label on it

14.And this dad who dadded so, so hard:

Handwritten note on thermostat "Before turning the heat on, do you" and asking if they have socks on, are wearing a long-sleeved shirt and underwear/pants, can see their breath, and saying to get dressed if they answer yes, not turn the heat on

15.These incredibly good-looking people who got the perfect send-off cake for their coworker's last day:

"Fine, go, good luck finding better-looking coworkers than us" written on a chocolate cake

16.And this bunch of no-good friends, LOL, who got their friend this cake to celebrate her 20th birthday:

"Congratulations you beat teen pregnancy!" written on cake

17.This poet who scrawled an instant classic in a portable toilet:

"CEO makes a thousand, you make a buck, go steal the catalytic converter off the company truck"

18.This convenience store owner who decided to call out a milk supplier in front of literally anyone who wants to buy milk:

"DARE Milk NOT being delivered as the SOLE Supplier in Albury has had his feelings hurt" sign on the door of the milk section

19.The owner of this home who put up a hilariously perfect sign after a tree fell on their fence (they don't actually have a dog):

Beware of "dog" sign on a broken fence (with "dog" in quotation marks)

20.This impressively sarcastic little girl who wrote a book on how to succeed in business:

"Blah blah blah" written many times

21.This gun shop owner who put a catapult out front (for some reason) and then let everyone know there's no background check for medieval artillery:

"No background checks for medieval artillery" sign on an ancient military device for hurling missiles outside a "Guns & Ammo" store

22.Bob and his concert mate who decided to amuse the people behind them (before annoying the hell out of them):

Man with "Hi, I'm Bob and I'll be Token Tall Guy blocking your view today, thanks for your cooperation" and a woman with "Fuck you Bob" on the backs of their T-shirts

23.This teacher who sent a congratulatory message dripping — make that absolutely soaked — with sarcasm:

David, congrats on beating the previous record for being late to class by a whopping 6 minutes; the previous record holder was you, Kind regards, Dr [redacted]

24.This dad, who wrote a hilariously "dad-like" excuse to get his kid out of PE class:

Handwritten note: "Ms [redacted], please excuse [redacted] from physical activities involving stand, running and walking do [sic] to foot pain; however, if his foot falls off, he won't be in pain any more and is free to partake in normal activity"

25.And lastly, this person on an island vacation who'd absolutely HAD IT with their coworkers' constant texting:

"Stop texting me" written in the sand

H/T: r/funny.