A $22 battery-operated fan with mister was the biggest attraction at this theme park
This is a story about love and loss. Never mind that it all happened within a four-hour time period. It was still an emotional event in my life.
It all started at the happiest place on Earth — and no, I’m not talking about Target. I’m speaking about THE happiest place on Earth — Disneyland. Because my husband and I are fools who apparently can’t read the weather app on our phones, we decided to descend on Disneyland during what weather historians were calling the “worst September heat wave in Western USA history.”
To defend this decision, we were visiting our daughter and she had a small window of when she could go to Disneyland with us. Also, I figured a lifetime spent living with summers over 100 degrees would make us much more capable of handling the heat than your average Californian. I also incorrectly guessed that the heat would keep folks away from Disneyland.
Of course, this didn’t happen. The happiest place on Earth was an Instant Pot of festering body odor, and the act of standing next to someone in line was akin to taking a communal bath in a tub filled with the sweat and skin cells of 100,000 strangers.
We did everything we could to mitigate passing out from heat stroke. We repeatedly rode all the water rides, which, while temporarily refreshing, resulted in swampy underwear that never seemed to dry out. We also sought refuge in air-conditioned attractions. You know you’re desperate for AC when you subject yourself to the It’s a Small World ride twice in one day.
I knew things had reached a crisis point when my husband shelled out $22 for a battery-operated fan with a misting attachment. I’m not saying my husband is cheap. I’m just saying the man is not known for parting with his money in a Disney gift shop.
But this purchase was a winner. You could wear the fan around your neck and hold it up to your face while misting yourself with cold water. For me it was a deep and abiding love at first mist. Unfortunately, the fan had to be shared with my daughter and husband.
Ugh. Every time I was forced to part with the fan I was engulfed in a sorrow so intense I felt woozy. Granted it most likely was caused by the heat, but still one can’t be 100% sure. It didn’t help that my daughter was most definitely an “over mister” and used up most of the ice water each time she had the fan.
This spurred me to announce that I was now in a committed relationship with the fan, thus making sharing it no longer an option. I’m embarrassed to report that my husband and daughter shamelessly ganged up on me by mocking my “fan love” while standing in line for the Big Thunder Mountain roller coaster.
I didn’t care — that much. I had the fan and that’s all that mattered. Then a tragedy occurred. While getting seated in the roller coaster, I had to remove the fan from my neck and stow it in a compartment. After the ride was over I quickly disembarked and discovered minutes later that I had left my beloved fan on the coaster.
Nooooo!
There were tears and not just from me. My husband was crying over the $22 he spent on the fan. (Or it could have been profuse sweating but I’m going with tears.)
Luckily, I took pictures of me with my sweetheart and I’m hopeful it will sustain me through this most difficult time. When I look at the happy photos I whisper, “We’ll always have Disneyland.”
Reach Sherry Kuehl at snarkyinthesuburbs@gmail.com, on Facebook at Snarky in the Suburbs, on Twitter at @snarkynsuburbs on Instagram @snarky.in.the.suburbs, and snarkyinthesuburbs.com.
