Few, if any, cologne commercials make sense.
It starts with some dude on surfboard or driving a fancy car. Maybe he’s got sunglasses on regardless of the fact it’s nighttime. There’s probably some smooth jazz playing in the background. Maybe a celebrity or two make an appearance. There’s a weird color palette, a bunch of lame buzzwords and bam: the brand name.
It’s never quite clear just what we’re supposed to be smelling.
With that in mind, here’s a new video from New York Yankees catcher Gary Sanchez.
— Gary Sanchez (@ElGarySanchez) May 9, 2017
As far as spoofs go, this is a pretty great one. The only thing it could’ve used was a cameo at the end of Vinny Chase saying “I am Queens Boulevard.”
Not only does this masterpiece perfectly capture the absurdity of fragrance commercials, it leaves us wondering: what does Gary Sanchez smell like?
We know from the clip that Sanchez’s fragrance smells “incredible”, but that’s not enough to go off of.
“Footwork, caught stealing, pitch framing,” we hear in a voice over.
So that means Gary Sanchez smells like … feet? No thank you.
Does that mean he smells like a baseball? That’s much better.
Does that mean Sanchez reeks of leather? That could actually be pretty great.
Is Sanchez trying to create his own version of Michael’s Secret Stuff?
These are the hard questions you begin to ask yourself during May baseball.
There actually might be evidence supporting that last bit, though. In his first at-bat on Tuesday after “releasing” his signature fragrance, #IamGary, Sanchez delivered a booming home run for the Yankees in what would eventually become a 5-3 loss to the Cincinnati Reds.
It’s enough to make you wonder if there’s anything to this magic fragrance. And if there is, we can only imagine Aaron Judge will legitimately hit balls out to Brooklyn if he uses it.
Come to think of it, we’ll probably need a ruling on if this cologne is a banned substance or not.
In the end, that’ll probably come back to the main question — what does Gary Sanchez smell like?
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