Woody Paige: Are any coaches interested in joining the Broncos' party?

Jan. 28—What if the Broncos threw a party and nobody came?

The Broncos' head coaching job must be the most abysmal in football. Instead of coming to Colorado coaching candidates apparently would rather go back to college football or network television, keep a defensive coordinator's position, pursue opportunities with teams that won only three or four games and/or are more interested in franchises with awful quarterbacks, terrible defenses and lousy ownership.

The Texans, the Cardinals, the Colts and the Panthers are considered more attractive than the Broncos? What a revolting development.

How low can a Bronco go? The Broncos are blah.

Of the five teams with a vacancy, the Broncos have been the only one that hasn't conducted or scheduled a second interview with any candidate, and their own defensive coordinator has met with two others twice.

So far the Broncos have shut up and been shut out.

It seems the franchise's scavenger search committee consisting of Greg Penner, Rob Walton, Carrie Walton Penner, Condoleezza Rice and sometimes "Shemp" George Paton have become zippo recruiters.

They can't find someone to accept the Broncos' head coaching job.

Except for Jerry Rosburg, three men sleeping in tents outside Union Station and a woman who checks receipts at the Walmart exit.

Walton-Penner Et al. may have procured a pig in a poke.

On Dec. 27 Penner and Paton promised to be ultra-aggressive and hire the best coach Walmart money could buy.

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"I've worked with a lot of great CEOs, and it starts with really strong leadership," Penner said. "I think that's going to be the most critical factor here in a head coach. Obviously, X's and O's are important, but we need a stronger leader for the organization that's focused on winning."

G-Man George said that "so many good candidates" were available and the Broncos were "excited to speak with them all and look forward to the process."

The Broncos didn't "speak with them all" — just nine, including interim coach Rosburg, who was dumped when his brief contract expired — and defensive coordinator Ejiro Evero. They also communicated with Jim Harbaugh by teleconference and possibly telegraph, Sean Payton, Jim Caldwell, David Shaw, Dan Quinn, Raheem Morris and DeMeco Ryans.

On Jan. 28, during the same amount of time it takes a baby kangaroo to crawl to the pouch, the Broncos don't have a coach.

Noah's construction of the Ark took 100 years. Penner may need the same span to build a franchise.

Harbaugh never met personally with Penner-Paton. For the second season, Quinn preferred to remain the Cowboys' defensive coordinator rather than participate in a second interview with the Broncos.

The search committee hasn't even invited any candidate to enjoy enchiladas and margaritas at Los Dos Potrillos, where Paton and Nathaniel Hackett agreed to the worst deal since the Louisiana Purchase or the Broncos Purchase.

Payton, supposedly the Broncos' second "first choice", has been playing hide-and-seek with them. The former Saints coach and current network analyst spent more time with a talk show host than the Broncos, and he has just interviewed with the Cardinals for an entire day at their headquarters and left with the owner.

Caldwell and Shaw, who are not sought by any other team, are off the radar, and Morris is visiting Indianapolis. Former Colts coach Frank Reich has been hired by the Panthers, and multiple offensive and defensive coordinators have been employed by league teams. Whenever, if ever, the Broncos name a coach, the prime coordinators all may be gone.

Ryans, who emerged as the Broncos' leading candidate, in all likelihood likely will take over the Texans, who already are planning to meet with him next week. Houston has 11 picks, including Nos. 2 and 12 overall, in the draft, is sixth in cap space and will choose a quarterback. Ryans played there, his wife is from there, and he has a charitable cause and close relationships there. Ryans has no connection here. The Broncos are 18th in cap space and possess a draft choice at the end of the first round, no second-round selection and a total of seven. Their quarterback is a conundrum inside a riddle inside an enigma.

Money can't buy you love, the Beatles claim, or an extraordinary coach, the Broncos now understand.

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