What Women Recovering From Eating Disorders Actually Face in the New Year
The “New Year, New You” mantra is louder than ever, with exercising more and eating healthier at the top of resolutions lists. At best, it’s motivating—for the 20 percent of resolutioners who actually see their goals through to February. At worst? Debilitating, especially for the 30 million Americans who will at some point in their life struggle with eating disorders, a condition that affects all ages, genders, races and socioeconomic classes. “All these issues roar more loudly in the new year, making for an unbearable pressure,” says New York psychotherapist Lori Lynn Meader, LCSW, who has been specializing in eating disorders for over two decades. “I’ve had clients say, ‘If I start the year and purge or starve, the entire year is tainted.’”
Instead of setting impossible standards, tapping into the growing body-positive movement and a community that’s focused on embracing imperfections can be key. Case in point: Demi Lovato, who has been vocal about her struggle with bulimia in her music, on camera, in the 2017 documentary Demi Lovato: Simply Complicated, and, most recently, on her social handles, where a slew of selfies of the singer in swimsuits is seen dominating her pages. “So, I’m insecure about my legs in this picture but I’m posting it because I look so happy and this year I’ve decided I’m letting go of my perfectionism and embracing freedom from self-criticism,” she captioned. “Learning to love my body the way it is is challenging but life-changing. Giving up my eating disorder has been the most challenging journey of my life, but I work every day toward solid recovery even if I mess up sometimes….” The post garnered 3.3 million likes, and counting. Which makes sense, says Claire Mysko, CEO of the National Eating Disorder Association. “Being transparent about the fact that recovery is not a straight line, and that relapse happens, is very important [and empowering] for people to know.”
Whether you’re recovering from an eating disorder, or simply trying to establish a healthier, more body-positive mind-set in 2018 so that you can be part of the solution, not the problem, here are a few key actions you can take, from curbing your “fat talk,” a self-degrading term first coined in 1994, to following inspiring people who are leading the body-positive movement on social media. You can seek medical attention by visiting myneda.org or by calling NEDA’s helpline at 800-931-2237.
Say No to Dieting, and Yes to Self-Awareness
“Not everybody who goes on a diet develops an eating disorder, but pretty much everyone who has an eating disorder has some experience with dieting and restrictions,” says Mysko. “[Dieting], which is so validated in our culture to the point of it almost being expected, can be a really dangerous trigger.” Of course, everyone is different, allowing for a variety of instances—from the ongoing tick of social media to the slow buildup to a holiday or special occasion, such as your wedding—to easily set off impulses in recovering individuals. Keeping a journal, talking with friends, or keeping a weekly date with a therapist you connect with are ways to remain mindful during a particularly stressful period or time of transition, such as the new year. “Learn to take the time to slow down and learn that all of the madness around body and weight is all about managing feelings,” says Meader. Whatever the culprit, the sooner you can recognize that a pattern is starting to take over your life, the more effective the solution is going to be.
Curb Your Language Around Food
The concept that an extra piece of cake is “bad” and skipping lunch after a big breakfast is “good” is something people are taught. It’s that kind of thinking and obsession around food that has the ability to alter your brain chemistry. Try to unlearn the associations that tie guilt to food and shame to size by cutting the “fat talk” and the “coulda, shoulda” phrases when it comes to what you put in your body—after all, your daily intake does not equate your self-worth. Stop thinking of eating chocolate as “cheating,” and try not to announce to the table that you’re so full, you “can’t believe you went back for seconds.” Negative self-talk is harmful and can easily trigger people with eating disorders, says Mysko. The more positive you are around food, the better you will feel.
Change Up Your Scenery
Rehabilitation, says Mysko, “is really about resilience and the ability to recover in a culture that makes it very difficult to recover.” Whether you have wrestled with an eating disorder or not, the toxic cultural messages—remember that T-shirt slogan “Nothing Tastes as Good as Skinny Feels”?—need to be blocked. Change starts with all of us; find a new voice by writing a letter to a magazine that you feel sets unrealistic beauty standards, or start supporting businesses that embrace body positivity and diversity, such as Glossier or CVS, which just denounced retouching beauty advertisements this week. “Clean up your social media account,” she says, and start following accounts or hashtags that are having critical conversations about self-acceptance and intersectionality, such as #bopo (which stands for body positivity). They will remind you to embrace your body on days when you are feeling down and that there is a vibrant community of people who aren’t buying into narrow standards of beauty or negativity.
Know That Change Takes Time
As Lovato points out, recovery is not linear. “It’s complicated and complex, and it’s okay if you slip or have conflicting thoughts,” says Mysko. Adds Meader: “It’s about reclaiming your body, not changing it, but [rather] loving it at any size or shape.” All the more reason to surround yourself with support, and to support others who are in need of similar help. “I think back when I first started recovery,” says Mysko, who became a specialist after years of suffering from an eating disorder. “If only I had turned the insecurity and the comparisons into activism earlier on, I would have had a much shorter path [to recovery].” It’s a notion fit for those who don’t suffer from eating disorders, too. After all, learning to change the patterns in how we talk or think about something takes persistence, time, and a willingness to embrace the long view. That’s how cultural shifts happen. It’s not a fast fix, nor one that can be done alone.
