Why Texting Hurts Girls More Than Boys
The typical U.S. teenager sends 30 texts a day, and a “compulsive texter” may send way more. And if your teen can’t engage in conversation, watch a movie, do school work, or hang out with friends without constant interruptions from text messages, that’s a problem — especially for girls, according to new findings.
The study, of roughly 400 eighth and eleventh graders and published in the journal Psychology of Popular Media Culture, found that girls were far more likely to text compulsively than boys. And aside from the general distractions related to being attached to a phone, compulsive texting was found to lead to feelings of incompetence and poorer school performance in girls. Interestingly, boys who texted compulsively didn’t have the same academic problems.
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The research proposes that “engaging in compulsive texting reflects females’ preoccupation with intimacy in relationships that interferes with academic tasks (e.g., homework, studying) to the extent of impairing academic adjustment.” So the content of girls’ texts may be more emotional and thus more distracting than boys’ texts, which are often used simply to relay information.
“Girls are socialized to have anxiety if their relationships are not operating smoothly,” Jill Weber, a clinical psychologist in Washington, D.C., tells Yahoo Parenting. “They work hard to keep everyone happy with them out of fear of being alone or not being good enough.” And if they’re maintaining relationships via text, that can be incredibly disruptive.
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If parents feel that texting is impairing their children’s lives, Weber says that it’s important that they tune in and find out what’s really going on. “Look at the deeper issues generating this behavior,” says Weber. “They’re likely placing too much emphasis on their relationships for their self-esteem needs.” She suggests getting over-texters involved in activities, clubs, or sports where they can have fun and discover ways outside of their friendships to feel good about themselves. “Get them to take on other pursuits or do activities together,” she says. “Go to the movies, volunteer, cook meals… all without the phone being present.”
Though it may be tempting to take away a compulsive texter’s phone, Weber notes that such a move “will only fuel desperation and more texting.” She says that limiting exposure is a better solution, and to “insist when they are doing homework, athletics, or school events that the phone be put away.”
While taking some of the focus off of relationships is useful, it’s also worthwhile to validate the fact that friendships are important. “Show your child that you understand how important her friendships are to her and how important it is for her to feel connected,” Weber advises. “This is very normal for girls and they should not be judged or criticized. Add more to her experience of herself, instead of taking something away.”
(Photo: Tom Odulate/Getty Images)
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