Why Samantha Bee Is Pretty Sure Sean Hannity Is a Serial Killer

Is Sean Hannity a serial killer? The obvious, sane answer is “definitely not.” But on Full Frontal, Samantha Bee made a compelling case that Hannity very well could be a murderer—that is, if you’re willing to buy into some pretty tenuous conspiracy theories.

After the world learned that Hannity was the secret third client of Michael Cohen—the attorney who facilitated the Donald Trump-Stormy Daniels payoff during the 2016 presidential campaign—the Fox News host inspired a wave of schadenfreude on late night. But perhaps no one took their mockery as far as Bee, who tore a page from Hannity’s own Fox News playbook to weave together a crazy web of evidence to pretend-prove that the cable host is, in fact, a cold-blooded killer.

“I know what you’re thinking,” the Full Frontal host said Wednesday night. “You can’t just throw together a bunch of scary buzzwords and out-of-context clips to support an outrageous conclusion—and normally I would agree with you. But do you know who does that all the time? Sean Hannity . . . His whole show is just an hour-long list of lies and conspiracy theories, but people think it’s news because he doesn’t sweat as much as Alex Jones and because he’s on a channel that calls itself ‘News.’ So yeah, the deceitful editing to reach an outrageous conclusion? We’re gonna keep doing that.”

And so, using a list of criteria curated from the reliable resource Criminal Minds, Bee made her facetious case for why Hannity fits the profile of a killer.

Aided by old Hannity footage, Bee argued that the Fox News host: wet the bed as a child, has low self-esteem (why else, she wondered, would he work so hard for Trump’s approval?), and exhibits a lack of unique or exceptional intellect. “No exceptional intellectual skills?” Bee gasped as she read through her list. “That’s my Sean!” Cruelty to animals was next on the list, followed by being bad with women.

“Bad with women?” Bee said. “Well, there’s no way Mr. Potato Neck could have a history of that! I mean, if Fox News wasn’t great with women, then why are they always paying them out large sums of money?”

Another suspicious development? As Bee noted, The New York Times has photo evidence of Hannity standing in front of an awfully large number of sheds on his property. “So many goddamn sheds!” Bee marveled. “Who needs that many sheds if you’re not storing barrels of melted people? And how can you even build that many sheds on your land? No one could get zoned for that. I mean, you’d need real-estate advice from a great attorney.” That’s when she gasped, realizing she’d put all of the pieces together. “Oh my God!”

Is it really a coincidence that Hannity, in defending himself against the revelation that he was actually Cohen’s secret third client, claimed that he and the attorney had engaged only in casual conversations—mostly about real estate? Or that he actually once joked on his program that he’s a serial killer? If you’re the type to buy into conspiracy theories, these sure seem like a lot of coincidences to swallow. As Bee put it: “You gave me all the clues, Mr. Hannity.”

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