Wedding Guests, Learn the Answers to These Money Etiquette FAQs

Weddings are likely to pull on your purse strings as much as your heartstrings. As a wedding guest, you may have to consider the costs of travel, accommodations, attire and -- the big question for many people -- the gift.

Plus, with a wedding, the pressure is on to get it all right. "A wedding is one of the most important occasions of somebody's life, so you certainly want to show the respect it deserves," says national etiquette expert Diane Gottsman, author of "Modern Etiquette for a Better Life" and founder of The Protocol School of Texas.

The good news is this: If you're even thinking about what would be considered appropriate when it comes to certain wedding-guest issues -- by, say, reading an article on the subject -- you're already on the right track. "The purpose for etiquette is to be considerate of others," says Cheryl Seidel, etiquette expert and founder of RegistryFinder.com. "So as long as you are trying to be considerate of others, then I think that you're going to be in a good place."

And don't get so caught up in the proper protocol that you forget about what you're really supposed to do at a wedding: "Have a good time," says Daniel Post Senning, author of "Emily Post's Etiquette, 18th Edition" and great-great-grandson of etiquette legend Emily Post. "Do your work ahead of time, so that when the wedding comes, you can enjoy yourself and bear witness to a really special event in someone's life."

Still, to address your specific concerns, review the answers to the following frequently asked questions about the money etiquette of being a wedding guest.

[See: Check, Please: Paying the Bill in 6 Awkward Situations.]

What is the appropriate amount to spend on a gift? All the etiquette experts agree: There is no such thing.

"The amount you give totally depends on what you can afford and how close you are to the people getting married, so that is something that is very subjective," Seidel says. "What you can afford and what your friend can afford are two totally different things. People just have to give what they feel comfortable giving."

You might have heard the advice that the cost of your gift should at least equal the cost of your plate. But Post Senning wants to stop that rumor. "I don't like that kind of tit-for-tat thinking," he says. "It's not that you're paying for your place at the wedding. [Gift-giving is] meant to be done in the spirit of generosity, and for that to be genuine and sincere, it can't be a burden on you. It's got to be something you can afford."

With that in mind, it helps to hit the registry early, Gottsman says, so you can maximize your options for a gift in your price range.

[See: 7 Signs Your Romantic Partner Is Financially Unstable.]

If I cannot attend, should I still give a gift? Yes. "Just being invited to a wedding is a big deal," Post Senning says. "It really means somebody wants you to be there for what's likely going to be one of the most important times in their life, and it's really nice to honor that thought with a gift, even if you can't attend."

If it's a destination wedding, should I still give a gift? Yes. Whether you're traveling to another state or another continent, the politeness pros say you ought to give a gift. But how much you can spend on that wedding gift might change based on the wedding's proximity to you. "Because your gift is determined by your budget, and your budget is determined by your expenses, if you're spending a lot of money to go to a wedding, you probably would spend less on the wedding gift," Seidel says.

I'm somebody's plus one. Should I bring a gift? Yes. First, you should discuss your gifting plan with your date and whether you'd like to give a gift together or separately. Whatever you decide, it would be a nice gesture to bring at least a small gift, even if you don't really know that couple. "You've been included in what's oftentimes a really special affair with family and friends," Post Senning says. "It's nice to think about how you can add something to that experience."

[See: 12 Ways to Be a More Mindful Spender.]

I was asked to be a bridesmaid/groomsman. How can I broach the subject of whether I can afford to take on this role? Tactfully. As difficult as it might be to even consider turning down such an honor, you really need to think about all that goes into playing such a significant wedding role and talk it over in detail with the bride and groom. They might expect you to travel for a bachelor or bachelorette party, as well as for the wedding shower and wedding, and also pay for your wedding clothes, hair and makeup, on top of the shower and wedding gifts. The costs of being in the wedding party can really add up.

"You really want to understand what the honor, as well as the responsibility, entails," Post Senning says. "You want to be able to participate and participate well, and if you can't, you really want to be upfront about that. The sooner you do that, the better."

He acknowledges that it might feel awkward to talk about money, but "that's much less awkward than the situation coming up later on where you're either in over your head, or the person who you're trying to help is not getting the experience that they're hoping for," he says.

Is cash an acceptable gift? Absolutely. Who wouldn't appreciate some extra cash? It might seem cold and impersonal to some, but it's also undeniably practical. "Just put it in a nice card and write a heartfelt note," Gottsman says. "Then you're personalizing it."

Stacy Rapacon is a North Jersey-based freelance writer, who covers personal finance, investing and careers. She began her work in service journalism as a reporter at Kiplinger's Personal Finance magazine in 2007. In 2010, she moved into the digital space to became an online editor for Kiplinger.com and most recently served as managing editor of the site's Wealth Creation Channel. In addition, her work has appeared on CNBC, Grow, Business Insider, Yahoo and other publications. You can find her on Twitter at @srapacon.