What to Watch Tonight: The Emmys, Under the Dome, and Mistresses
Andy Daglas
Your tuxedo shirt is ironed, your flip-flops are polished, and your mini bottle of Peppermint Schnapps is chilled to ice-cold perfection. You are ready for the glory that is known as the Primetime Emmy Awards. But that Schnapps can hit hard, and we all know that even though these ceremonies last for approximately eight hours each, it sometimes feels as if they're over in a flash. So I'll be here to provide running commentary and a full list of winners just in case you're feeling too slow or too inebriated to pay attention. Will Modern Family steal all the comedy trophies? Will Jeff Daniels repeat as Best Lead Actor in a Drama somehow? Will host Seth Meyers tear off his skin and reveal himself to be the leader of the subterranean crab people? Probably! I'll be updating the list of winners LIVE right here, so keep tapping that refresh button as if your life depends on it. And don't forget to voice your well-formed, intelligent opinions in the comments! Here we go! Seth just took a cheap shot at Bachelor in Paradise so I'm turning this off! OUTSTANDING SUPPORTING ACTOR IN A COMEDY SERIES**WINNER ** Ty Burrell , Modern FamilyAdam Driver , GirlsJesse Tyler Ferguson , Modern FamilyTony Hale , VeepFred Armisen , PortlandiaAndre Braugher, Brooklyn Nine-Nine The Modern Family domination begins as the first award of the night goes to Phil Dunphy, who wore clear glasses, just like his fellow candidate Fred Armisen. OUTSTANDING SUPPORTING ACTRESS IN A COMEDY SERIES Mayim Bialik , The Big Bang TheoryJulie Bowen , Modern FamilyAnna Chlumsky , Veep**WINNER ** Allison Janney, Mom Kate Mulgrew, Orange Is the New Black Kate McKinnon, Saturday Night Live Jimmy Kimmel made a bid to host next year's Emmys by calling Matthew McConaughey fat, and Ricky Gervais showed off his "TV face." Janney's speech was that of a pure vet, as she's taken home the award half a dozen times (second this year, she won for guest actress on Masters of Sex). Janney is like the Modern Family of people except when it comes to quality. "This is the 6th career Emmy for Alison Janney." Oh, that's right, I keep forgetting about the PERSONAL Emmys. I have 8! #Emmys— Paul F. Tompkins (@PFTompkins) August 26, 2014 OUTSTANDING LEAD ACTOR IN A COMEDY SERIES Louis C.K. , LouieDon Cheadle , House of LiesMatt LeBlanc , Episodes**WINNER ** Jim Parsons , The Big Bang TheoryWilliam H. Macy, ShamelessRicky Gervais, Derek Bryan Cranton and Julia Louis-Dreyfus announced this award and Cranston flashed JLD a LOOK for an old Seinfeld joke and it was great. Also, the Emmys orchestra totally butchered the Breaking Bad theme and make it sound like carousel music. Parsons was great on stage, as if he was the most surprised person he won. He almost sound like he was embarrassed to win the award and essentially said that he was not worthy and anyone else should have won the award. It's nice to see that a million dollars per episode hasn't changed him. I love you, Jim Parsons. OUTSTANDING LEAD ACTRESS IN A COMEDY SERIES Lena Dunham , GirlsEdie Falco , Nurse Jackie**WINNER ** Julia Louis-Dreyfus , VeepAmy Poehler , Parks and Recreation Taylor Schilling, Orange Is the New BlackMelissa McCarthy, Mike & Molly JLD wins the award of course (she deserves it, obviously) and her lips were immediately taken hostage by Bryan Cranston's mouth in a little gag that was in no way pre-planned, right? Anyway, those two are great and they should make babies that take over the world and lead humanity to great new places. Their interplay almost made me forget that the award was presented by Jimmy Fallon, who causes involuntary rage to well up inside of me. OUTSTANDING REALITY COMPETITION PROGRAM**WINNER **The Amazing RaceDancing With the StarsProject RunwaySo You Think You Can DanceTop ChefThe Voice Reality. Whoopie. Let's move on. Sometime during the middle of the ceremony, Weird "Al" came out and did this medley of redone theme songs for shows, and he flew through a bunch, like Mad Men and House of Cards but then spent a really long time on Game of Thrones which was great. Except that it wasn't that good. But it was still Weird "Al" on the Emmys, so I loved it because he's the greatest. Like, some old woman in Oklahoma was just subjected to watching Weird "Al" and it totally blew her mind. That made my day. OUTSTANDING SUPPORTING ACTOR IN A MINISERIES OR MOVIE Matt Bomer, The Normal HeartJim Parsons, The Normal Heart**WINNER ** Martin Freeman, Sherlock: His Last VowColin Hanks, FargoJoe Mantello, The Normal HeartAlfred Molina, The Normal Heart Martin Freeman was not present to accept his award because he was too busy being awesome. OUTSTANDING SUPPORTING ACTRESS IN A MINISERIES OR MOVIE**WINNER ** Kathy Bates, American Horror Story: CovenAngela Bassett, American Horror Story: CovenFrances Conroy, American Horror Story: CovenJulia Roberts, The Normal HeartEllen Burstyn, Flowers in the Attic Allison Tolman, Fargo Total utter rage that Allison Tolman didn't win here, but what do you expect in a popularity contest like this? In other news, my fantasy football draft is going very poorly but my 9-month-old daughter is still alive so I guess that's something! OUTSTANDING LEAD ACTOR IN A MINISERIES OR MOVIE**WINNER ** Benedict Cumberbatch, Sherlock: His Last VowMartin Freeman, Fargo Billy Bob Thornton, FargoChiwetel Ejiofar, Dancing on the EdgeIdris Elba, LutherMark Ruffalo, The Normal Heart Like Mr. Freeman, Benny couldn't be at the awards either, because he too is busy being awesome. But really, this award should have gone to Freeman, too, right? Blame the vote split between him and Billy Bob? OUTSTANDING LEAD ACTRESS IN A MINISERIES OR MOVIE**WINNER ** Jessica Lange, American Horror Story: CovenSarah Paulson, American Horror Story: CovenHelena Bonham Carter, Burton and TaylorMinnie Driver, Return to Zero Kristen Wiig, The Spoils of BabylonCicely Tyson, The Trip to Bountiful The old "miniseries" trick works again! Congrats for working the system, guys! OUTSTANDING MINISERIESAmerican Horror Story: Coven**WINNER ** FargoLutherBonnie & ClydeThe White QueenTreme Take that, AHS. As Kaitlin said, "Thank God, I was about to punch a baby." She is a woman of her word, too. I've seen her punch babies and then just walk away like it was the baby's fault. Kaitlin will eat you alive whether you are an infant or a grown-ass man. Watch her. OUTSTANDING TV MOVIE**WINNER ** The Normal HeartSherlock: His Last VowKilling KennedyMuhammad Ali's Greatest FightThe Trip to Bountiful This stood exactly no chance of NOT winning. OUTSTANDING VARIETY SERIES**WINNER ** The Colbert ReportThe Daily Show With Jon StewartThe Tonight Show Starring Jimmy FallonReal Time With Bill MaherSaturday Night LiveJimmy Kimmel Live Jimmy Fallon pretended like he won or something? And he hogged most of the time on the microphone. I know it was planned and all, but if I wanted to see Jimmy Fallon talk on television I would have watched his show. OUTSTANDING SUPPORTING ACTOR IN A DRAMA SERIES**WINNER ** Aaron Paul , Breaking Bad Jim Carter , Downton Abbey Peter Dinklage , Game of Thrones Mandy Patinkin , Homeland Josh Charles , The Good Wife Jon Voight, Ray Donovan Whoa. I still think Dean Norris had the better season, but I'm all for Breaking Bad winning everything. Paul wins in a surprise (?) and is gracious as he thanks all the people involved in the show that literally "changed his life." Well done, bitch. OUTSTANDING SUPPORTING ACTRESS IN A DRAMA SERIES**WINNER ** Anna Gunn , Breaking BadMaggie Smith , Downton AbbeyLena Headey , Game of ThronesChristine Baranski , The Good WifeJoanne Froggatt , Downton AbbeyChristina Hendricks , Mad Men That's 2-for-2 for Breaking Bad actors as the show is being sent off in style. Can Cranston make it 3-for-3? Also, Anna Gunn looked like she was 23. OUTSTANDING LEAD ACTRESS IN A DRAMA SERIES Claire Danes , HomelandMichelle Dockery , Downton Abbey**WINNER ** Julianna Margulies , The Good Wife Kerry Washington , ScandalRobin Wright , House of Cards Lizzy Caplan, Masters of Sex And this was a totally satisfactory outcome, I think? Margulies also said it was a "wonderful time for women on television." Julianna Margulies: "What a wonderful time for women on television, especially that Sofia Vergara bit here in A.D. 2014."— Dan Hopper (@DanHopp) August 26, 2014 OUTSTANDING LEAD ACTOR IN A DRAMA SERIES**WINNER ** Bryan Cranston , Breaking BadJeff Daniels , The NewsroomJon Hamm , Mad Men Woody Harrelson, True DetectiveKevin Spacey , House of CardsMatthew McConaughey, True Detective Despite all the chatter going to McConaughey, I called it. This was a monster battle, and both deserved it. But the timing favored Cranston, and in the end, it was the right choice. Great speech by Cranston, too. That guy is so rad. OUTSTANDING COMEDY SERIESThe Big Bang TheoryLouie**WINNER ** Modern FamilyVeepOrange Is the New BlackSilicon Valley Jay Leno presented this award, and it went to Modern Family so I guess that's appropriate. Anyway, lame, right? OUTSTANDING DRAMA SERIES**WINNER ** Breaking BadDownton AbbeyGame of ThronesHouse of CardsMad MenTrue DetectiveBreaking Bad had a fantastic night, but every time the show won an award, the orchestra played a really lame version of the song complete with some goofy chimes. It was almost enough to make me root against Breaking Bad but I found the inner strength to power on and everyone should really think highly of me for that. What a guy I am. These awards were handed out during the Creative Arts Emmys, which were held last week but recognized today. OUTSTANDING GUEST ACTOR IN A DRAMA SERIES Paul Giamatti , Downton AbbeyReg E. Cathey , House of CardsBeau Bridges , Masters of SexRobert Morse , Mad MenDylan Baker , The Good Wife**WINNER ** Joe Morton , ScandalOUTSTANDING GUEST ACTRESS IN A DRAMA SERIES Margo Martindale , The AmericansDiana Rigg , Game of Thrones**WINNER ** Allison Janney , Masters of SexKate Mara , House of CardsJane Fonda , The NewsroomKate Burton , ScandalOUTSTANDING GUEST ACTOR IN A COMEDY SERIES Steve Buscemi , PortlandiaLouis C.K. , Saturday Night LiveNathan Lane , Modern FamilyBob Newhart , The Big Bang TheoryGary Cole, Veep**WINNER ** Jimmy Fallon, Saturday Night LiveOUTSTANDING GUEST ACTRESS IN A COMEDY SERIES Melissa McCarthy, Saturday Night LiveTina Fey, Saturday Night LiveJoan Cusack, ShamelessNatasha Lyonne, Orange Is the New BlackLaverne Cox, Orange Is the New Black**WINNER ** Uzo Aduba, Orange Is the New BlackOUTSTANDING REALITY HOST Tom Bergeron, Dancing With the StarsAnthony Bourdain, The TasteCat Deely, So You Think You Can DanceHedi Klum and Tim Gunn, Project Runway**WINNER ** Jane Lynch, Hollywood Game Night Betty White, Betty White's Off Their RockersOUTSTANDING ANIMATED SERIESArcher**WINNER ** Bob's BurgersFuturamaSouth ParkTeenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: The Manhattan Project That's it! Stay tuned for Price's recap soon.
8pm, Fox MasterChef The top 7 chefs are tasked with whipping up apple-related fare, and the first one to declare "how do you like them apples?" in a dreadful Southie accent will be summarily thrown off a cliff. Later, teams of two prepare pot stickers, which to my knowledge did not inspire any popular quasi-catchphrases in '90s cinema.
9pm, TNT Dallas The family mourns the loss of one of their own in "Dead Reckoning." But the grieving won't get in the way of John Ross's quest for redemption, Elena's quest for justice, or Christopher and Heather's quest to overcome relationship strains.
9:29pm, Disney XD Star Wars Rebels Zeb's progress is slowed when he scuffles with Stormtroopers in "Entanglement." Fun fact: when you best a Stormtrooper in fisticuffs, their helmets pop right off like the head of a Rock 'Em-Sock 'Em Robot.
10pm, CBS Under the Dome In "The Red Door," a group of shadowy figures snatch Barbie and grill him about his ties to the Dome. They first tried hitting up Tim Surette for that information, but naturally Tim has repressed any and all memories pertaining to Under the Dome.
10pm, ABC Mistresses April helps the FBI hunt for Paul while trying to prevent Lucy from learning about her situation with Daniel. Elsewhere in "Surprise," Karen receives shocking news from an ex-lover, Savi and Zack's date leads to a surprise, and Joss quarrels with Harry over his wooing of their supermodel boss.
10pm, PBS POV "Big Men" tells the story of an American energy company's search for oil in Ghana, and of the deprivations and false promises endured in Nigeria, where decades of oil extraction have paid few dividends for poor citizens.
10pm, MTV Teen Wolf Technically, "Monstrous" premiered last night before the VMAs. But for those of who you prefer your supernatural shirtlessness to remain totally separate from shiny Moonman statues, the Scott-and-Kira.-vs.-assassins smackdown will re-air tonight in Teen Wolf's regular timeslot.
Affluent Americans may want to double-check how much of their bank deposits are protected by government-backed insurance. The rules governing trust accounts just changed.
Budgeting apps can help you keep track of your finances, stick to a spending plan and reach your money goals. These are the best budget-tracking apps available right now.
Jake Mintz & Jordan Shusterman discuss the Padres-Marlins trade that sent Luis Arraez to San Diego, as well as recap all the action from this weekend in baseball and send birthday wishes to hall-of-famer Willie Mays.
Teams have made their big splashes in free agency and made their draft picks, it's time for you to do the same. It's fantasy football mock draft time. Some call this time of year best ball season, others know it's an opportunity to get a leg up on your competition for when you have to draft in August. The staff at Yahoo Fantasy did their first mock draft of the 2024 season to help you with the latter. Matt Harmon and Andy Behrens are here to break it all down by each round and crush some staff members in the process.
An annual government report offered a glimmer of good news for Social Security and a jolt of good news for Medicare even as both programs continue to be on pace to run dry next decade.
