Diane Sawyer Introduces New Foul-Mouthed, Cigar-Chomping Character To 'ABC World News'

The Onion

A report finds that most small businesses failed in the first 6 hours of being on fire, the Osama bin Laden foundation awards fellowships to 20 promising young terrorists, and the NYPD finds a super-sharp Buck knife. It's the week of January 18, 2013.