Once the toast of the Champs-Elysees, Lance Armstrong was formally stripped of his seven Tour de France titles Monday and banned for life for doping. (Oct. 22)
Steven: Ha, ha, ha, ha!! "I'm Donald Trump. I've had enough of this liberal nonsense. I'm mad I tell you. I'm just plain crazy and mad. And I know I'm right about that, because everybody tells me so!! Everybody loves me. You can even pull my hair. I like that done. Even 13 year old girls love me, I know that first hand!! Just don't believe those liberal lies about me and them. My lawyers in NY said not to mention this so I won't. I have really great lawyers. I do. Even my one black guy and all but one Indian love me. But I've just had it with these biased Mexican judges. I mean I'm a billionaire for god's sake. Oh, yeah, speaking of her, praise god and amen brothers and sisters!! Now you know I'm right on everything. Really, I am. Ask me sometime later and I'll tell you so. Remember, I have one of the all time great memories!! I do, I remember that I do. I am a great American. I know how to command our military to. I was the baton major in that great uniform after all. Besides, I'll get rid of that idiotic Geneva Convention. If any of my soldiers get captured, I'll just fire them for being lousy soldiers. I really loved my uniform. Really!! And then there is my GREAT WALL WITH MEXICO!! It will be huge, really, really huge. Not as huge as my penis, but it will be huge. besides, who needs trade with Mexico?? Look how I even try to improve our great countries education level. You know I am good at that. Really I am. I've started Trump U and the Trump Institute. Both great-great places of education. You all should enroll in them right now. I had everybody sign affidavits saying so. Would I ever lie?? I also love cartoons like Frozen. Really I do. I know I do because I watch myself watching them. Every person should watch them, just like I do instead of the news. Now I've just had with these liberals. They're always trying to do good, improve things, and make life better! Always!! Well, I've had enough of that!! So no more!! If it's good for america, I'm against it!! Remember, everybody loves me. I even love me. I know that. Now come see my golf courses and don't forget to buy more hats. They're really great!! I'll make America great again by just selling them. I think so! Oh, don't forget that I give millions to charity. Yes, millions. But why they can't buy pants is beyond me. Why, even look at that Tim Tebow helmet I bought. Only $12,000. What a great charity gift for myself. It was even tax deductible. And just wait till I introduce my new line of custom made Indian blankets. They will be really, great. I'll even let that squaw have one for cost. They will be wonderful. Why, because I say it will be!! But I do like hamburgers. Nice big fat ones. yes I do. Remember, I even said that a year ago to that lousy waitress. I still tipped her thought. She didn't deserve a tip, but I still gave her a great tip. But I still love hamburgers. Even I know that I do. I think so!! I am even thinking of starting my own hamburger fast food chain. I'll even employ lots more people to help out the economy that Obama has destroyed. I'll staff it with 'On Call' workers. Just like the ones who work for me and all love me. I make them sign papers saying so. I'd like to call it McChristies. LOOK!! LOOK!! The plane, the plane!! And yes, I like Corinthian leather. I really love it! It loves me to. Everybody loves me!! Really. That plane is probably coming from it's secret Mexican air base in Canada. Oh, and remember, the convention is coming, ah sometime. Why isn't that on the teleprompter? Speaking of my convention, I will make it really great. I know it will be great because I will there. Oh, I want it peaceful. Yes peaceful. Just like everyone of my meetings have been. That's how I remember them anyway. Nothing but peaceful ARMED white ignorant clan and bund people who all love me! But Great news. Really great news. I have Bonzo and 'The Chair' both lined up to speak. I just saw a Bonzo movie the other day and decided I would get him. He is really really great. They're both just great. Trust me. Oh, I'll also have some guy named, ...ah, er, oh, mmm, oh-oh named Pence there as well. I think so anyway. I'd have the Freedom Girls, but they actually want me to keep my promises to them. But they are just Girls so who cares!! All of you know how absolutely GREAT I am on honoring my contracts!! I really am honest you know. I can't help if they do shoddy work!! Remember, I am self-funding, but show your patriotism and send money to my campaign. I'll loan it back to my campaign. Trust me. HA, HA!!! Oh, my third wife and daughter are really HOT! I'd date both of them. I know I would. I think so. Oh, buy my daughter's cloths and shoes. They are really, really great. They are made right here in Henko en China, New Jersey. It's a great place. I've never been there but they say that it is. I'll have to put a golf course there. I think so anyway!!