By now, you’ve probably seen the proof of nature’s first show of reptilian force as a means of protesting humanity’s vainglorious thirst for golf courses. Florida is ground zero for this, the next true war America will fight, because it is full of 18-hole golden calves built on what should be gorgeous wetlands. Initial video of the giant alligator apparently wasn’t enough to convince many of you, with some even going so far as to claim fakery. Well, here’s another, closer angle to disabuse you of that notion.
Apparently this 15-foot walking threat is a common enough occurrence at Buffalo Creek Golf Course that the manager knows the beast prefers to roam around holes 3, 8 and 14. By all means, let him have them. What’s worse, a 15-hole golf course, or knowing that you didn’t heed the warning signs? You are the sentry who fell asleep at the gates, Florida.
Now, one might ask why no one in the videos seem all that concerned with such a sighting. Well, the thing is that gators aren’t likely to do much hunting or exertion of any kind on dry land. They’re simply appearing in larger numbers and forms than ever because they’re being hemmed in like never before. There are still a lot of swamps in Florida, which means there are still horrors as-yet-unknown to man that could take back the golf courses. This is your last warning, people.