Unsolicited advice in breach between memory, modern problems

George Ayoub
·4 min read

Some unsolicited advice to graduates. (Getty Images)

As some college campuses roil with demonstrations, the 2024 version of mortar boards, honorary doctorates and commencement addresses may actually be in jeopardy. What that means at some schools is that the rite of passage known as college graduation has been altered.

During my 30-plus years of writing commentaries, I have occasionally participated in the time-honored tradition of buttinskis, back-seat drivers and nosey parkers everywhere: Offering unsolicited advice to newly minted college graduates. 

The latest round of campus protests — which I hope proceed or end in peace — stirs memories from the 1960s when, as college students, we not only howled at the moon, we were determined to change the world. We were known to march, protest and generally raise a fuss to right the wrongs we saw not only then but in our futures. Such is the wont of many college students.

One remembrance was particularly bracing: Joining a peaceful, on-campus demonstration just days after four students were killed during a protest at Kent State University, wondering whether those there to keep us safe really would if something happened.

Eventually, we turned 30, where we encountered the cognitive dissonance that comes with being on the no-turning-back side of the line at which we once demarcated trust. Determining whether we were then part of the solution or part of the problem became more than just an interpretation of a Bob Dylan song.

In addition to “Pomp and Circumstance” and a run on sheet cake, May brings other memories. I recently read that research from the National Institutes of Health found nanoplastics in drinking water bottled in plastic. The revelation reminded me of what I’ve written about before as commencement season is upon us: The one-word piece of unsolicited advice a family friend gave to protagonist and fresh-out-of-college Benjamin Braddock in the 1967 movie “The Graduate.” That word? “Plastics!” 

Polymers aside, sometimes measuring our progress can be elusive. Meanwhile, another mass of college graduates is about to loose itself on the world. Best estimates from research.com put that 2024 number somewhere shy of four million, with Nebraska’s share of sheepskins around 26,000. For unsolicited advice givers, that is a target rich environment.

Into this breach between memory and modern problems I step with yet another version of unsolicited advice for the college grad …. best served with grains of salt all around.

To wit:

  • Yes, YOLO as a north star can fill your days with adventure and wonder, but measuring twice before you cut can metaphorically lessen harm … or at least not waste wood. The concept of rechecking also applies to parachute packing, the latch on the shark cage and a street map of Pamplona.

  • Everybody makes mistakes, but if the eraser wears out before the pencil, you’re overdoing it. 

  • Stay curious.

  • Develop a capable crap detector, especially one that can withstand popular public opinion because if a thousand people say a stupid thing, it’s still a stupid thing. (Ayoub’s Corollary.) 

  • When in doubt, have good manners. When absolutely sure, have good manners.

  • Individualism need neither be prickly nor rugged but rather the confidence you have from knowing who you are and the boundaries wherein you live your life. Plus, everyone benefits from mentors, role models and a pal or two who practices the art of friendship unconditionally. 

  • Accept a little mystery as part of life. Some things are simply inexplicable.

  • If you win the rat race, you’re still a rat. (This one makes every list I’ve ever compiled.)

  • Practice and perfect the art of device-free conversation including eye contact, the power of an occasional silence and intentional listening.

  • Read good books, especially the ones that book banners and assorted busybodies are intent on removing from schools and libraries.

  • Don’t sweat the small stuff. And it’s all small stuff … except for the stuff that isn’t. (See crap detector entry above for further details.)

  • Know the difference between compromise and consensus. 

  • Dignity, grace and compassion are more than simply words in a commencement address.

  • Loss is part of life. If you miss the lesson in such things, then you lose twice.

  • Finally, and most seriously, whatever passion and purpose have driven you to the barricades to protest war, have fueled your senior thesis or have kept you on track to graduate, keep them close for the rest of the journey during which I hope, as the saying goes, you choose to live all the days of your life.

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