Truth is stranger than fiction; especially this week in a courtroom in Manhattan
When the calendar turned from 1999 to 2000 we were told to expect some pretty bizarre stuff.
They called it Y2K, and it was predicted that computers would crash, clocks would run backward and aircraft would drop from the sky.
None of that occurred, but even if it had it would not have compared to what is going on today in a New York City courtroom.
Never did I think I’d see the day when: A former president of the United States was subject to criminal charges and put on trial. For covering up an affair with a porn star. And that his main accomplices were a mob-style “fixer” and, I can’t even believe I’m typing this, “The National Enquirer.”
And that the National Enquirer was basically put on retainer to “catch and kill” stories about the married candidate’s multiple affairs. And that the first witness to be called in this sex-scandal trial would be named “Pecker.” And then when an internet prankster created a fake chyron on a serious news show that said “Trump worried about Pecker leaking” no one had any trouble believing it was real.
And that the National Enquirer attacked the former president’s rivals, including a story that claimed the family of Ted Cruz helped assassinate JFK. And that, with the former president egging it on, the National Enquirer wrote this actual headline about a GOP rival: “Bungling Surgeon Ben Carson left Sponge in Patient’s Brain!”
And that the news from the trial that most fascinated the public in the first week has nothing to do with money or sex, but with the allegation that the defendant was falling asleep in his chair and loudly passing gas.
And that in a court of law, the judge would have to tell a former president of the United States of America to sit down and shut up.
And that this whole affair alone would not be enough to kill the former president’s political career, and in fact might enhance it. And that on a day of such political upheaval and potential Constitutional crisis, The New York Times wrote a story about Melania Trump's fashion choices, and Congress reacted by banning Tik Tok.
Another emerging theme is the former president’s comments and posts on social media, repeatedly attacking the criminal justice system.
“Prosecutors have asked Justice Merchan to fine Mr. Trump $1,000 for each statement," The Times said, "although (Prosecutor Christopher) Conroy wondered aloud if Mr. Trump, who has sold campaign merchandise with his mug shot, was actually angling for jail time.”
No, I never thought I would live to see the day that jail time would become both financially lucrative and a campaign rallying point.
The consensus among the diminishing number of Americans who still can pass for normal is that fines aren’t punishment enough for intimidating witnesses, jurors and court officials — but jail time is deemed to be too much.
Well, there’s an obvious answer, isn’t there?
Community service. Seventy-five hours ought to do it.
Like throwing water on the Wicked Witch of the West, forcing the former president to compassionately help his fellow man would crush him. Can you imagine him, say, reading to orphans or visiting the sick with a therapy dog? Amidst agonizing shrieks, he would melt down until nothing would be left but a puddle and an extra-long red necktie.
Or better yet, make him serve soup to undocumented immigrants.
Plus, community service neuters his ability to turn his perceived persecution into campaign cash. “Send me money, they are putting me behind bars!” is going to be a lot more effective than “Send me money, they’re making me plant roses in Prospect Park!”
And that says it all. We have no problem picturing the former president involved in serial infidelity, paying hush money to porn stars or even a “Pecker leaks” chyron. But picturing the former president giving aid and comfort to the poor and the sick, children and elderly? That just doesn’t compute.
Is nothing sacred? Now it turns out moths aren't always drawn to a flame
Tim Rowland is a Herald-Mail columnist.
This article originally appeared on The Herald-Mail: Trump on trial and the bizarre state of American politics
